Without any doubt one of the corniest, most idiotic dramas of all time. Based on a "novel" by one of those dim-witted and talentless 5-dime soap-opera female writers, it lives "up" to its expectations, and then some: this film is a laugh-a-minute drama which easily qualifies for a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" treatment. The dialog, the story, the characters, the plot-twists, the plot-devices, and the unintentionally comical dramatic soundtrack all combine to form a movie that has to be seen to be believed. The sheer imbecility of it all is a joy. Ed Wood would have been proud had he made it.
Where should I even begin? Here goes, in no particular order: 1) Burton's and Ryan's granddaughter (how poetic) is quarter Eskimo, but what about those blond, Swedish looks? 2) Her Eskimo Daddy is basically a white college type with dark oil smeared onto his face, 3) His fight with the bear is a comedic highlight; watch how he goes at the bear (and why isn't it a white i.e. polar bear?) with just a knife, and how little he is hurt when the bear slaps him, 4) the moment Ryan's son was born it became so damn obvious that he would grow up and fall in love with Burton's daughter, and that way set the stage for a lame re-re-re-re-re-hash of "Romeo & Juliet", 5) the re-re-re-re-re-re-hash not only ends tragically - it ends so ULTRA-tragically that I had to laugh out loud! Romeo gets killed by a bear, while Juliet dies at the same time at childbirth, 6) By the way, Juliet is woman no.2 to die at childbirth in this movie; it seems that in the early Alaskan days babies tended to plop out of the womb at the most inconvenient times, and there was nobody in sight anywhere to help; plus it was a convenient way to get rid of two mothers so that Jones can be their reserve-mommy, 7) and as if the totally over-the-top deaths of Romeo and Juliet weren't enough, only (movie-)minutes before their doom Burton's wife dies of a heart-attack; them corpses, they just kept a-pilin' in the middle section (and them plot-devices, they started a-getting' dumber and dumber), 8) since Burton made it as a successful capitalist, it was only fair that his arch-enemy, Ryan the fisherman, makes it as a politician: this is rather hilarious, too, 9) Burton's rich daughter (Juliet) decides to run away from home to Romeo's Eskimo village and she is happy there! 10) Baccus's son is born BEFORE Juliet yet I had the strange impression that Juliet was a cool 5 years older, 11) one of the idiotic highlights is "Star Trek"'s Zulu (Takei; in a wonderfully bad performance) trying to find a doctor for Burton's expecting wife, but managing only to find Jones, whom the former can't stand - how poetic! 12) in the first scenes showing Romeo's and Juliet's daughter (let's just call her Lovechild) the movie almost becomes a sit-com, with Burton and Ryan being both Granddaddies to her but also arch-enemies, and Lovechild being in the middle, but 13) then suddenly the movie starts getting overly dramatic and soppy yet, yet, yet again! 14) Burton saves Ryan's life at the end - how CORNY! 15) a highlight in the last half-hour (which tends to get dull) is undoubtedly Burton losing his cool at a political hearing and wanting to have a punch-up with Ryan!
It strikes me as the height of hypocrisy and irony that a movie which takes such a righteous stance against racism casts all-white actors to play half- or quarter- Eskimos. Were they afraid that we wouldn't like Eskimo-looking Eskimos as much as Eskimos who look like they graduated from Yale? Talk about left-wing Hollywood's double-standards.
I can't imagine how the actors must have felt uttering so many idiotic lines. There are a number of moments of campy preaches and pathetic moralizing which are only good enough for 5-dime soap-operas and retards. The fact that this dumb tale is supposed to be an epic only makes it sillier. And how about Jones's bad looks: this bug-eyed actress, who looks at least ten years older than she really is, is the focal point of the two lead studs. But perhaps that was - as Takei found out one day (in one scene) - the result of her being the only woman in town.
Where should I even begin? Here goes, in no particular order: 1) Burton's and Ryan's granddaughter (how poetic) is quarter Eskimo, but what about those blond, Swedish looks? 2) Her Eskimo Daddy is basically a white college type with dark oil smeared onto his face, 3) His fight with the bear is a comedic highlight; watch how he goes at the bear (and why isn't it a white i.e. polar bear?) with just a knife, and how little he is hurt when the bear slaps him, 4) the moment Ryan's son was born it became so damn obvious that he would grow up and fall in love with Burton's daughter, and that way set the stage for a lame re-re-re-re-re-hash of "Romeo & Juliet", 5) the re-re-re-re-re-re-hash not only ends tragically - it ends so ULTRA-tragically that I had to laugh out loud! Romeo gets killed by a bear, while Juliet dies at the same time at childbirth, 6) By the way, Juliet is woman no.2 to die at childbirth in this movie; it seems that in the early Alaskan days babies tended to plop out of the womb at the most inconvenient times, and there was nobody in sight anywhere to help; plus it was a convenient way to get rid of two mothers so that Jones can be their reserve-mommy, 7) and as if the totally over-the-top deaths of Romeo and Juliet weren't enough, only (movie-)minutes before their doom Burton's wife dies of a heart-attack; them corpses, they just kept a-pilin' in the middle section (and them plot-devices, they started a-getting' dumber and dumber), 8) since Burton made it as a successful capitalist, it was only fair that his arch-enemy, Ryan the fisherman, makes it as a politician: this is rather hilarious, too, 9) Burton's rich daughter (Juliet) decides to run away from home to Romeo's Eskimo village and she is happy there! 10) Baccus's son is born BEFORE Juliet yet I had the strange impression that Juliet was a cool 5 years older, 11) one of the idiotic highlights is "Star Trek"'s Zulu (Takei; in a wonderfully bad performance) trying to find a doctor for Burton's expecting wife, but managing only to find Jones, whom the former can't stand - how poetic! 12) in the first scenes showing Romeo's and Juliet's daughter (let's just call her Lovechild) the movie almost becomes a sit-com, with Burton and Ryan being both Granddaddies to her but also arch-enemies, and Lovechild being in the middle, but 13) then suddenly the movie starts getting overly dramatic and soppy yet, yet, yet again! 14) Burton saves Ryan's life at the end - how CORNY! 15) a highlight in the last half-hour (which tends to get dull) is undoubtedly Burton losing his cool at a political hearing and wanting to have a punch-up with Ryan!
It strikes me as the height of hypocrisy and irony that a movie which takes such a righteous stance against racism casts all-white actors to play half- or quarter- Eskimos. Were they afraid that we wouldn't like Eskimo-looking Eskimos as much as Eskimos who look like they graduated from Yale? Talk about left-wing Hollywood's double-standards.
I can't imagine how the actors must have felt uttering so many idiotic lines. There are a number of moments of campy preaches and pathetic moralizing which are only good enough for 5-dime soap-operas and retards. The fact that this dumb tale is supposed to be an epic only makes it sillier. And how about Jones's bad looks: this bug-eyed actress, who looks at least ten years older than she really is, is the focal point of the two lead studs. But perhaps that was - as Takei found out one day (in one scene) - the result of her being the only woman in town.