First off, I hated checking the "Contains spoiler" box, because I'm not spoiling anything. I'm merely saving your sanity. Actually viewing this movie may result in you murdering your entire family with a rusty fork.
So I was walking around, minding my own business, when a small portal opened up inside of the pavement. Shocked by what I was seeing, I took a few steps back. Then, it happened. Fire shot out of the hole and it evaporated, and all that was left was a tape. Now, being curious, I picked up the tape and read the label: Night of the Chupacabra. I guessed that the tape had been sacrificed to Satan, but it was so evil and so horrible that not even the Devil could bare to watch it.
So naturally, I had to.
Now. I've seen "Gigli". I've seen every Uwe Boll movie. I've also just recently seen "Ghost Rider". I've also seen "Manos: Hands of Fate". "Night of the Chupacabra" makes all of these movies look like Best Picture Award Winners. Everything about this movie is bad. The script (if there was one) was most likely written in the blood of innocent and on the skin of cute puppies. I found myself ten minutes into the movie confused, hurt, and scared. I said aloud, "Is this movie almost over?" There were so many characters I didn't know who was who, and random characters were introduced without warning. There were M.I.B. characters, who may or may not have been working with the Army. There was a killer on the loose, and a bunch of reality television people who are tracking him. Pretty much a cast that adds up to disaster. I would explain the "plot", but my fellow angry reviewer has done such a good job. The movie didn't have plot holes, the whole movie was just one big plot hole with overdubbing in pretty much every seen.
I wish the director would have spent more money on finding someone who knows how to score a movie on something other than a Casio keyboard.
My favorite part of the movie was the ending, which made about as much sense as the rest of the movie. The M.I.B. people leave (because there are apparently only two of them in the entire world) the army or whatever they were mysteriously disappear, and the entire reality television show cast (with the murderer they were tracking, who apparently is their friend now) watch the little midget power ranger alien thing take off in his spaceship. It cuts to the credits, which apparently are already in progress.
A deaf, dumb, and blind kid could have written (and directed) a better movie.
So I was walking around, minding my own business, when a small portal opened up inside of the pavement. Shocked by what I was seeing, I took a few steps back. Then, it happened. Fire shot out of the hole and it evaporated, and all that was left was a tape. Now, being curious, I picked up the tape and read the label: Night of the Chupacabra. I guessed that the tape had been sacrificed to Satan, but it was so evil and so horrible that not even the Devil could bare to watch it.
So naturally, I had to.
Now. I've seen "Gigli". I've seen every Uwe Boll movie. I've also just recently seen "Ghost Rider". I've also seen "Manos: Hands of Fate". "Night of the Chupacabra" makes all of these movies look like Best Picture Award Winners. Everything about this movie is bad. The script (if there was one) was most likely written in the blood of innocent and on the skin of cute puppies. I found myself ten minutes into the movie confused, hurt, and scared. I said aloud, "Is this movie almost over?" There were so many characters I didn't know who was who, and random characters were introduced without warning. There were M.I.B. characters, who may or may not have been working with the Army. There was a killer on the loose, and a bunch of reality television people who are tracking him. Pretty much a cast that adds up to disaster. I would explain the "plot", but my fellow angry reviewer has done such a good job. The movie didn't have plot holes, the whole movie was just one big plot hole with overdubbing in pretty much every seen.
I wish the director would have spent more money on finding someone who knows how to score a movie on something other than a Casio keyboard.
My favorite part of the movie was the ending, which made about as much sense as the rest of the movie. The M.I.B. people leave (because there are apparently only two of them in the entire world) the army or whatever they were mysteriously disappear, and the entire reality television show cast (with the murderer they were tracking, who apparently is their friend now) watch the little midget power ranger alien thing take off in his spaceship. It cuts to the credits, which apparently are already in progress.
A deaf, dumb, and blind kid could have written (and directed) a better movie.