Swamp Zombies!!! (2005 Video)
1/10
There are bad films & then there's Swamp Zombies.
23 March 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Swamp Zombies starts as a FBI inspection of his Hospital forces misguided scientist Dr. Phillips (Shannon Solo) to call in his shady contacts to quickly dispose of his unethical experiments into the re-animation of the dead. Unfortunately they dump the cadavers into the nearest swamp (looks like a lake to me) & think the job is done, however these corpses were injected with Phillips re-animation serum &, surprise surprise, come back to life as rotting flesh eating zombies! A student field expedition will provide plenty of fresh meat, can the local kick boxing Ranger Jack (writer, producer, director & coward Len Kabasinski hiding from embarrassment under the pseudonym of Leon South) save the day & can Dr. Phillips bizarre experiments be stopped?

Starring, written, produced & directed by the aforementioned Len Kabasinski there are films which are so bad it's untrue, then there's the celluloid abomination that is Swamp Zombies. This is quite possibly the worst film I've seen since the last worst film I saw, seriously though Swamp Zombies has made it into my prestigious worst ever films list & boy have I seen some stinkers in my time, to gain a place on this list a film has to have certain qualities, a certain type of badness, it has to be a so mind-numbingly bad film as to make me want to me poke my eyes out & Swamp Zombies has those unique, hard to achieve qualities. For a start the character's are awful, to call them one-dimensional & bland would be too kind, the dialogue is terrible as for some reason these people can't seem to string a proper sentence together, it's an absolute bore to sit through with a predictable & clichéd 'plot' although I use the term plot very loosely, all the zombie attacks are virtually the same & end up with the human character's having a karate fight with them, however on the plus side Swamp Zombies might just be the best horror/zombie/martial arts film ever made, not that I can think of any others mind you. Then there's the fact that Swamp Zombies lasts for more than two hours! Jesus Christ almighty, how the hell did I make it through two hours of this cinematic turd? I could go on all day about how bad this is but that would be silly so I'll just say I hate Swamp Zombies & I hate every single aspect of it, it's as simple & straight forward as that.

This is one of the worst directed films I've ever seen, there's virtually no direction at all. No-one puts any effort into anything & they just sort of either stand there or jog depending on the scene, the scene when the old man is first attacked by the zombies & runs through the wood waving his arms in the air letting out a little wailing noise is hilarious & the bit when a fat redneck guy comes face-to-face with a zombie & he says 'oh my god' like he was asking someone to change the channel on the TV. There's also another fight scene set atop a car park where it starts out during the day & after a few punches have been thrown it's pitch black. There's absolutely no scares, there's no tension or atmosphere & most of it is shot during the day with lame scenes of people practising kick boxing on the zombies. There's no real gore either, there's the usual blood splattering but no proper graphic gore effects & the zombies themselves look awful.

With an ultra low $12,000 budget it shows, I don't wish to be unkind but Swamp Zombies is nothing more than a glorified home film & has the production values to match. This is just terrible in every respect including the acting which is awful.

Swamp Zombies is possibly the worst film I've ever seen, I'm sure no-one sets out to make a bad film but when it's this bad & we have to spend our hard earned money & time watching it it's difficult to cut it any slack or have any sympathy for the filmmakers. I hated it, plain & simple.
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