6/10
"I'm so hungry I could eat a cow." The type of film that defies logical convention.
21 January 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu, or Destroy All Planets as the American telly version is known, is set in Japan & starts as an evil race of aliens decide to take over the Earth & colonise it since it is the one planet in the entire universe that most resembles their own. However giant flying fire breathing turtle monster Gamera has other ideas & protects the Earth from these aliens, after destroying one of their spacecraft the aliens need to come up with a way to either destroy or control Gamera which will leave the way to total Earth domination free! Knowing that Gamera has a particular fondness for little boys the aliens kidnap two boy scouts Jim (Carl Craig) & Masao (Toru Takatsuka) & then fit Gamera with a brain control device to enable the aliens to make Gamera assist them in the destruction of Earth & mankind!

This Japanese production was directed Noriaki Yuasa & was the fourth film to feature the giant fire breathing turtle Gamera that can fly by using blue jets of fire that shoot out of where he legs normally protrude after pulling them into his shell, I suppose you could say that Gamera is a sort of Godzilla type monster who actually protects the Earth from other monsters. Anyway, the script by Nisan (named after the car?) Takahashi moves along like a rocket & at least isn't boring, it is just one of those indefinable madcap oddball Japanese monster flicks where anything goes & quite often does. Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu is just one of those films which defies conventional logic, you can't watch Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu & judge it next to normal film-making, you just can't. The script is just a strange incoherent mess of bizarre ideas from (very Japanese looking) alien invaders who wear silly little beret's on their heads, having detachable homing limbs, wear what looks like Vicar's dog collars around their necks, have glow in the dark eyes & can fly to their master Viras which is a sort of mutant space squid with beady shifty little eyes, a beak for a mouth, can use the tip of it's body as a spear & is kept in a cage until it is let out at which point it then chops the heads off the other aliens in order to let the inner squid out of them & absorb their power thus making Viras grow to huge proportions in order to fight & destroy Gamera! If that sounds weird it's just the beginning since the evil aliens who mange to build sophisticated spacecraft are defeated by a couple of teenage boy scouts, the spacecraft is controlled telepathically, there's a big bird monster who shoots lasers from it's mouth, the spacecraft looks like five ping pong balls stuck together & despite saving the whole planet Jim & Masao don't get any supper! As I have already said Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu is an incredibly silly film yet it's so action packed & fun that I found it impossible not to like it, I think Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu is a kids film & by that I mean kids of all ages...

Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu was the fourth Gamera film & the first forty minutes features about twenty minutes of footage taken from the previous two Gamera films, War of the Monsters (1966) & Return of the Giant Monsters (1967) which at least keeps the monster mayhem coming thick & fast. The special effects are of the men in rubber suits destroying scale models of Japan, Viras the space squid has to be seen to be believed with it's beady little eyes which dart left & right! The spaceship shots look really silly as well with a stupid looking design. But when all said & done I don't think anyone who knows anything about Japanese monster films is going to go into Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu expecting realistic effects. Well, at least I hope they're not. The fights are fun, Gamera destroying Tokyo is fun as is the whole film really, it's the sort of cheesy Saturday afternoon monster flick that kids used to love watching on telly.

Technically the film is alright considering, OK the special effects are cheap but allowances need to be made. The whole thing was obviously dubbed for American audiences, originally running 75 minutes the American version was reedited & increased to 90 minutes. I actually saw the 90 minute version & there are separate credits for the 'American Re-Recording' under 'Titan Productions' including Bret Morrison as director! It's impossible to know how good or bad the original acting was since the entire thing is obviously & often hilariously dubbed into English but I doubt it was any good in the first place.

Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu is a fun Godzilla style Japanese monster fest, there's plenty of bizarre things going on to take your mind of the ridiculous plot & the aliens silly costumes. I liked it but then I have a high tolerance for this type of cult trash, if you like men in rubber monster suits fighting each other type films then you will probably enjoy Gamera tai uchu kaijû Bairasu & if you don't you won't.
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