Police Woman (1973)
2/10
Even Worse Than Fantasy Mission Force...No, Really...
30 May 2008
This is probably the worst Jackie Chan Film ever made. The film was originally called Police Woman, and Jackie plays the leader of a gang of Hong Kong Street thugs, with what has to be the gayest mole in the history of cinema. It looks like someone drew it on his face with a marker pen, and didn't stop drawing it: Half his face is covered in this ridiculous mole! The story revolves around some bloke who accidentally leaves his wallet in the back of a taxi. Cue Jackie Chan, who doesn't use any martial arts of any note at any point. This film is like a porno without the sex. The plot, characters, acting, dubbing, and cinematography, if you really want to call it that, are all of, "no wait - is this a joke?" quality.

Once Jackie became really famous, and with some bright spark who snapped up the distribution rights for this film coming up with a nice idea, the film was re-named Rumble in Hong Kong, which fooled people into thinking that this was a prequel to Rumble in the Bronx.

The film ends abruptly, and on the version I saw, there is a, "big, important," scene near the end, where the vision is there, but the dialogue has not even been dubbed! The voice-over actors found this film so bad that they fell asleep, too.

Never ever watch this film. I'll give you my copy for free, if you really want to waste a couple of hours of your life. But if you really do want to waste time, come round and do my garden for me. I'll draw a giant mole on your face as payment...
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