1. A petrified ship can exist in one of the oldest countries on earth but remain undiscovered until an American scientist decides to waltz through the area. Then it will be found in about 10 minutes.
2. Guns are highly ineffective against an evil monster that pre-dates humanity, but keep shooting anyway.
3. An American man with super-slick hair runs the oldest secret society on earth.
4. If you're in a situation where death is most certain, just pray to God to not let you die that way. You will then be magically whisked out of danger, especially if you are a non-believer.
5. If you have faith in God, it is not necessary to have faith in humans, most notably your ex-spouse. You are free to be a mean, sarcastic, jealous, angry person.
6. A wooden box can remain perfectly intact after being buried for millenia, even when centuries of that time is under water.
7. If you accidentally let a timeless demon loose, a curly-haired Bulgarian will drop in to help save the day.
8. The person of the least amount of faith will prove to be the most useful in battles of good versus evil.
9. Xena's former sidekick is really a b - - - -.
10. Iraq is "the most dangerous place on the planet." Apparently, it beats out the Amazon, the Congo, the Outback, Antarctica, and that place where "Deadliest Catch" is filmed.
11. Capturing an ancient evil monster is grounds for automatic induction into a secret society. No background checks are required.
12. ALWAYS instruct the military on how to run its operations, especially when they have all the knowledge, experience, equipment, and weapons... and you're just a sniveling lab jockey.
13. The legends are always true.
14. An ancient staff is usually involved in saving the world (which you can have as a keepsake if you're successful)
15. If you find a big old wooden box in the desert, don't open it.
2. Guns are highly ineffective against an evil monster that pre-dates humanity, but keep shooting anyway.
3. An American man with super-slick hair runs the oldest secret society on earth.
4. If you're in a situation where death is most certain, just pray to God to not let you die that way. You will then be magically whisked out of danger, especially if you are a non-believer.
5. If you have faith in God, it is not necessary to have faith in humans, most notably your ex-spouse. You are free to be a mean, sarcastic, jealous, angry person.
6. A wooden box can remain perfectly intact after being buried for millenia, even when centuries of that time is under water.
7. If you accidentally let a timeless demon loose, a curly-haired Bulgarian will drop in to help save the day.
8. The person of the least amount of faith will prove to be the most useful in battles of good versus evil.
9. Xena's former sidekick is really a b - - - -.
10. Iraq is "the most dangerous place on the planet." Apparently, it beats out the Amazon, the Congo, the Outback, Antarctica, and that place where "Deadliest Catch" is filmed.
11. Capturing an ancient evil monster is grounds for automatic induction into a secret society. No background checks are required.
12. ALWAYS instruct the military on how to run its operations, especially when they have all the knowledge, experience, equipment, and weapons... and you're just a sniveling lab jockey.
13. The legends are always true.
14. An ancient staff is usually involved in saving the world (which you can have as a keepsake if you're successful)
15. If you find a big old wooden box in the desert, don't open it.