I gotta start off by saying, we only paid 1 single American dollar, and I have to admit, I should have tried to haggle them down to letting me just take the movie, bring it home, ritualistically sacrifice a goat and exorcise the stupid out of it. Watching a movie such as this is like watching the death throws of a yak with cerebral palsy. The movie has a random Jedi in it that decides to kill himself rather than try to get anyone to go to the dark side. The other characters are laughably stupid, oblivious to the obviously bad/stereotypical scenario that they are thrust into. The soundtrack sounded as if it was made for a Zombies Ate My Neighbors port for the Gameboy, as all it did was make you want to curl up in a ball and fill your ears with the lard of an adolescent raccoon to attempt to cancel out the sound. The directing and editing were equally bad, making one wonder as to how any sane person can say the movie is finished and ready to be viewed by people other than villagers from Zimbabwe who can't understand that what they are watching on this magical box of light is complete and utter lion crap. I wish now that I could go back in time if not to stop myself from renting it, than to at least stab out my eyes with a soldering iron and remove my eardrums through my anus. God bless you if you made it through this movie without trying to choke yourself to death with the DVD case, I wish I had. Please, for the sake of your children and their children, don't watch this movie. We can't let this make any of it's money back, lest we may unwittingly green light a sequel. I'm serious, don't...
Review of The Morgue
