Killer Pad (2008)
5/10
Killer Pad
28 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Three kooky Midwestern pals move to Los Angeles renting what they believe is the perfect place, sitting on a hill away from civilization, not knowing that inside the basement is a portal to hell! Three Hollywood hotties, presumed neighbors who supposedly wish to greet them to their new residence, are actually Satan and his minions wanting the naive outsiders to host a party inviting citizens who unknowingly will become victims for the Lord of Darkness.

I will admit that the premise wasn't as much a draw as noticing that Robert Englund was returning for only his second film feature directorial stint(..after a twenty year absence). Without even listening to Englund's theatrical audio commentary(..which was a lot of fun), you can tell that Killer Pad, from the very beginning, is aiming squarely for laughs. A lot of Hell jokes and toilet bowl humor which will probably leave many wanting pure scares and not finding them here. Lots of in-jokes regarding reality TV(..a priest, portrayed by Jeff Bryan Davis, was once an alcoholic, drug-addicted human-stunt crazy, modeled after those idiots from Jackass who purposely perform body damaging stunts to inflict harm for laughs by unorthodox means)and LA itself, featuring many eccentric citizens such as porn stars, gym babes, Joey Lawrence(..who provides some humor involving his peers such as a bad impersonation of Bruce Willis and his secretary's address miscalculation which sends him to the party instead of Tobey McGuire's house for poker), a Kinkos teenage nerd with no friends, a fire marshal desiring to work as a guard for the party to find a date, an Asian transvestite who provided them this palatial pad to begin with, and 16 year old Catholic school girls in need of some clothes and a spanking.

The three leads were obviously hired for their physical comedy, their faces are colorful and Daniel Franzese, Eric Jungmann & Shane McRae really play their dupes to the hilt, providing the film with prime bona fide morons to root for with all our hearts. These guys work well off each other, embracing their characters' gullible nature. Their horny goof balls are easy prey for the major babes, Emily Foxler(..as Lucy/Satan, who looks fantastic in red), Noureen De Wulf, and Corri English who use their seductive wiles, attractive figures, and supposed willingness for sex as a weapon. The film is loaded with wacky special effects such as Latino "angel" Héctor Jiménez(who attempts unsuccessfully to ward our heroes away from the pad housing hell)who, at one point in the film, spits pea soup, is forced against his will to rip his own heart from his chest and eat it, with his head twisting and spinning repeatedly(..spoofing The Exorcist)before leaping off their balcony. Three models from Sweden are boiled in a jacuzzi. One poor soul's head explodes(..well, the silhouette of his head from behind a closed curtain does)while another's throat is slashed after his body slams into a mirror. We get to see the babes in demon form and the priest, after porking one of the naughty Catholic school girls, converting to a rocker, belting Kiss' "I Just Want to Rock'n'Roll All Night.." in an act against Satan and his/her minions who were about to pulverize the entire group assembled together in the party who hadn't been killed yet. We get a disgusting bathroom sequence featuring a very imposing masculine woman and the toilet she was using. Englund just seems willing to please and the film has a goofy spirit to it, but I thought it wore a bit thin by the time it was over. Englund, during the making-of doc on the DVD, speaks about how his film, shot on a Viper camera, doesn't, at all, use stock;the entire feature is shot all digital. Almost the entire film exists within the "killer pad" and shies away from presenting nudity even when the porn stars show their breasts to our Kinkos nerd. Oh, and there's a dwarf(..who orders the porn gals around) whose buttocks are present throughout for in his cut leather pants for extra tasteless chuckles. I sure do wish Englund would actually make a film built for scares instead of giggles, though. He understands menace and evil portraying quite a many unique and colorful monsters over his career, you'd think Englund could direct a chiller. Still, the film has moments which are quite stylish when Englund doesn't resort to zany hi-jinx and over-the-top cheese. The pad itself has a very vibrant use of red and he establishes this as the film's intricate color because of the story arc involving hell. Englund also uses symbolic imagery involving Satan(..such as a pentagram from discarded beer cans and statues featured throughout the house).
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