You know that time before you go to sleep, when your mind is caught up in that relationship, and you rework it, and remember it, but half-dream keeps slipping in, and you try to hold on to what you remember, and the other person in the relationship responds, but only as you to yourself, so you try to evade sentimental endings, pathos, romantic stories everyone's familiar with but don't stand to reality, but holding it all in your grasp, with your mind muddled at sleep's edge, you have conversations with words semantically correct but nonsense, but they express all the meaning you wanted to express, except they depend on the exact right position, the exact right circumstance, and you fall into revisionism, and you fall into delusions of grandeur, and you fall into loneliness, and behind it all you are disturbed because of the maze you've made out of fixation, the myth you've made out of fixation, you are disturbed because you're afraid of fixation, and the myth you've made is of romance, and the maze you've made is out of your feelings for the relationship, and you know, behind it all, that the only reason you feel this way is because you don't actually have the relationship, and in your dream state you accidentally think of taking the relationship, of losing the relationship, of ending the relationship, of being strong without the relationship, of showing up strong because of being strong without the relationship, and in your dream state you snap awake moments when you lose track of the consciousness, which doesn't differ too far from the relationship, and you slowly fall asleep rewriting and rewriting the ending, until you settle on the most ambiguous one you can offer, because that is the status of the relationship, or non-relationship as it could be, because it is you remembering and dreaming, and thus the ending is certainly on your side?
Yeah.
That's Last Year at Marienbad.
--PolarisDiB
Yeah.
That's Last Year at Marienbad.
--PolarisDiB