Review of Martyrs

Martyrs (2008)
1/10
PLEASE! do not watch this movie
7 October 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I can't remember the last time I wrote here but man, this is something I just NEED to say.

This movie is beyond ridiculous, is way past the line of being stupid just for the sake of it, I mean, and I'm trying to be polite here, this is the epitome of suckiness, this is a lousy story directed by the most unexperienced person ever.

The movie starts nicely, you've got a Japanese-like ghost there, a frightened child and a couple of blood stains in the title..."OK, you got me there I'm paying attention" then it builds up into something quite decent, you know, with a teen (wearing a hoodie) that's blowing people off with a shotgun...promising really...then everything breaks into little pieces of stupidity.

Yes, the spoilers are ahead. I respect French Cinema, I actually love French Horror, but to see a woman (after being skinned alive) talking to an old lady about how the afterlife is bliss or something that mildly passes as "awery", and to watch a bunch of really old people throwing a mid-afternoon party all dressed in black waiting for the aforementioned old lady to give a deep speech about how torturing people is cool because they end up looking like the characters of the latest Tool video...man, that's just blatantly plain and makes me feel like going out there to plant a tree or something.

This movie is ridiculous, just like my last paragraph, it's not horror, it's not torture-porn, it's not terror or any of those genres...it's just a movie about how a girl can be dumb enough to stick around after her girlfriend (who just committed suicide BTW) blew the hell out of two adults and two young children...I mean, if you stick around to watch the corpses decompose I promise something weird will happen to you, why don't you just run the bleep away girl! Anyway, don't watch this...watch "inside" or "frontiers" instead, those are bad, but at least the gore and horror bits will make you sick and happy. I rather see a naked, hairy and very fat old man jumping in the grass than seeing this movie again.
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