Come and sit by my campfire lads and lasses. Take a load off. Let me terrify and tantalise you with my tales. No, not of demons and ghouls and zombies, but how horrible a film can be on a 4 for £1 disc. This film in question is called Campfire Stories and like Creepshow and it's ilk, has three segments of 'scary' horror with a back-ended plot, in this case being of two young men suddenly getting a flat tyre on a road in the middle of nowhere at night when almost running over a girl who is having similar motoring difficulties. Together, the three sitting ducks try to find help in the surrounding woods.. and stumble across me and my charming little blaze!! Now at this point you may think you're in line for some terrifying tales of nastiness and woe, but you couldn't be more wrong!! The real horror is in how pathetically low budget each one is, and the dreadful acting will scare you out of your wits!! Because I like to be methodical, lets take each one at a time..
Part 1: A mad dude in an asylum murders the head doctor and his nurse after a lot of mistreatment. Flash forward 20 years later, said psycho is now working at a caretaker at a school. Unfortunately a bunch of youths push him too hard, and when they go hunting him in the forest, Rambo has nothing on this guy's resourcefulness!! Apart from the visceral pleasure of seeing a bunch of jock a**holes get their just desserts, the predictable chase scenes and the cheesy blood-letting make this an instant flop. The killer is LAME too. 2/10
Part 2: This is the best of the lot, though that's like saying drowning is preferable to being buried alive. Three kids on the run from the law for murdering a couple of pensioners spot an Indian in a cafe, follow him back to his trailer and kill him too.. just for his top class ganja. While smoking it though, they start to see some very weird hallucinations, and a transformation is about to take place.. The 'highlight' of this short film-within-a-film is seeing some truly awful PS1 quality special effects of a computer generated wolf and some snakes. Apart from that, it's the same old crap part deux, though the ending is a good idea which could have been scary if it was handled right.. Guess what? It isn't. 3/10
Part 3: Last but not least (that would be part 1) four teens go to a house for a night of debauchery. The guys wanna get drunk and have sex, the gals are looking for revenge for some perceived misdemeanor. And there's a strange deputy hanging outside with the IQ of a walnut. What is going to happen? Well I won't spoil things for you, but sufficed to say the person you THINK is the killer isn't the killer and the murders only take place in the last five minutes. Before then you'll have to tolerate the slowest build up since World War II, and a lesbian kiss which is a fake as plastic doggy-doo. So much for the grand finale. 2/10
So that's it, apart from the conclusion to the bookended plot which is too stupid to even dignify with a comment. No serious gore, no nudity, no surprises, not even a teeny weeny sliver of camp value. Just a gigantic waste of time, all perpetrated by yours truly. You see, I made this film.. and I did it as bad as I could as an experiment to see how many punters would snap it up without reading reviews or asking their friend's advice first. Gullibility wins every time!! Now I know I can churn out as many crappy horror films as I want, safe in the knowledge that I will make a huge profit regardless of their awfulness!! Sleep tight y'all.. HA Ha ha ha ha.. *laughter fades to echo* 2/10
Part 1: A mad dude in an asylum murders the head doctor and his nurse after a lot of mistreatment. Flash forward 20 years later, said psycho is now working at a caretaker at a school. Unfortunately a bunch of youths push him too hard, and when they go hunting him in the forest, Rambo has nothing on this guy's resourcefulness!! Apart from the visceral pleasure of seeing a bunch of jock a**holes get their just desserts, the predictable chase scenes and the cheesy blood-letting make this an instant flop. The killer is LAME too. 2/10
Part 2: This is the best of the lot, though that's like saying drowning is preferable to being buried alive. Three kids on the run from the law for murdering a couple of pensioners spot an Indian in a cafe, follow him back to his trailer and kill him too.. just for his top class ganja. While smoking it though, they start to see some very weird hallucinations, and a transformation is about to take place.. The 'highlight' of this short film-within-a-film is seeing some truly awful PS1 quality special effects of a computer generated wolf and some snakes. Apart from that, it's the same old crap part deux, though the ending is a good idea which could have been scary if it was handled right.. Guess what? It isn't. 3/10
Part 3: Last but not least (that would be part 1) four teens go to a house for a night of debauchery. The guys wanna get drunk and have sex, the gals are looking for revenge for some perceived misdemeanor. And there's a strange deputy hanging outside with the IQ of a walnut. What is going to happen? Well I won't spoil things for you, but sufficed to say the person you THINK is the killer isn't the killer and the murders only take place in the last five minutes. Before then you'll have to tolerate the slowest build up since World War II, and a lesbian kiss which is a fake as plastic doggy-doo. So much for the grand finale. 2/10
So that's it, apart from the conclusion to the bookended plot which is too stupid to even dignify with a comment. No serious gore, no nudity, no surprises, not even a teeny weeny sliver of camp value. Just a gigantic waste of time, all perpetrated by yours truly. You see, I made this film.. and I did it as bad as I could as an experiment to see how many punters would snap it up without reading reviews or asking their friend's advice first. Gullibility wins every time!! Now I know I can churn out as many crappy horror films as I want, safe in the knowledge that I will make a huge profit regardless of their awfulness!! Sleep tight y'all.. HA Ha ha ha ha.. *laughter fades to echo* 2/10