2/10
The best thing about it is the poster
16 December 2011
The best thing was the poster – should the be the OMG Chronicles, not G.M.O.

There is much you can learn from movies. From this one, you can primarily lean how to make a truly dreadful train wreck of a film. There is so much wrong with it, I do not know where to begin, but I will give it a go:

Acting: When the lead man first appeared I thought the acting was pretty bad, but he shines in comparison with some of the rest of the cast. To be honest, it is not the actors fault. If you take a load of native German TV soap-opera stars and force them to speak "film" English (which is evidently not their mother tongue) you are asking for trouble. And this is what you got - inflection, subtlety and expression go out window as the cast concentrates on pronunciation. At the point where one of the actors died, I was actually delighted as it meant I did not have to watch him anymore (this was probably the biggest emotional kick the film gave me).

Script: Again, written by non-native English speakers and this comes shining through. Looking for milk in a supermarket comments like "get the high-temperature milk" caused titters in the audience. In one scene every line seems to include the protagonist's name. The banal dialog just kept on coming - just listen to the crap the priest spews in the trailer and remember – and that is supposed to be the highlight of the film.

General dross: OK, so you have been trapped in a police cell for 16 days. When the doors open, you are sitting quietly with designer 2 day stubble and inform your rescuers you survived "by drinking water from the bowl and eating toilet paper". The stubble thing really annoyed me, some of the cast were perfectly shaved every day, others had designer stubble, with no running water or electricity you have to question how this feat was achieved. Also watch out of the reaction of the "girls" around the door frame when the new sofa arrives, the film suddenly transforms to a toothpaste commercial.

Props: The "show" opens with the lead actor recording a video diary on an Apple Mac. I want know where is bought is battery. Considering the film supposedly happens over months, this Mac kept on going, unlike most of the audience. The nuclear power-plant explosion is also a classic, with debris thrown across the road, but carefully choreographed so that none of the "abandoned" cars were in any danger of getting scratched. Considering the cars were supposedly left months ago, they looked suspiciously clean as if the crew had just parked them. The genetically mutated enemy bought some comic relief, I suspect they used some leftover costumes from the Planet of the Apes.

A terrible film. But then why the two stars? Well I have to admit it is so bad you have to see it to the end just to see what happens and if it can get any worse. (It can). It is like a train wreck, you have to keep watching despite the horror of the movie - the extra star is for that.

I saw its premiere at the Hof Film Fest in August 2011, it has taken ages to be released, I imagine because it is so bad. Assume it will go straight to DVD - buy it, laugh at with a few mates and then never watch it again.
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