There's got to be a special section of Hell roped off for the SciFi Channel executives who decided to kill off Mystery Science Theater 3000 in order to foist upon the culture unmitigated rubbish like Quantum Apocalypse. I don't even care how wildly successful they've been at capturing the coveted demographic of "people who get so wasted Friday night they're still practically catatonic Saturday evening and don't have the strength to change the channel". This one cable network has contaminated pop culture by churning out one wretched piece of cheap, sub-amateurish dreck after another until the sci-fi/fantasy genre has begun to stink and ooze like a toxic waste dump. How many of these Saturday night atrocities have now been inflicted on the public? 100? 200? And how many of them have been so bad in every way that you'd rather watch that videotape from The Ring?
I mean, this thing is just flat out, straight up, no two ways about it pitiful. Quantum Apocalypse pretty much hits every single note on the SyFy Saturday symphony of suck.
Lame special effects that would get laughed at by a 1978 episode of Doctor Who? Check.
Cast full of people who look like they were hired right out of line at the DMV? Check.
That one guy in the cast who when you see him you think "Hey, I know that guy"? Check and embarrassingly played here by Peter Jurasik, also known as Londo Mollari from Babylon 5. Seriously, Jurasik's appearance here is like a junior league version of Bela Lugosi turning up in an Ed Wood production.
That one other person in the cast who seems to have some talent but will have to carry this thing around on her resume for the rest of her life? Check and it's even harder to look at Gigi Edgley try to salvage something out of her one dimensional character and gobledygook dialog than watching Jurasik slum his way to a measly couple of bucks.
The piling of one cliché on top of another until you feel like one of those 700 pound shut ins has rolled on top of you? Check.
A director who has no idea how to end a scene and barely knows which end of the camera points forward? Check.
Budget so low that they can't even afford enough of their bargain basement CGI and must have scene after scene where people just talk about all the terrible things happening off screen? Check.
No nudity? Check.
Fight scenes more poorly staged than a 3rd grade production of West Side Story? Check.
So many unnecessary and extraneous scenes that it's obvious the writer could only come up with 45 minutes of idiotic story and had to pad things out with even stupider and more pointless filler? Check.
Unbelievable cop out of a ending? Check and check.
What's most offensive about productions like Quantum Apocalypse is that there are low budget filmmakers out there who are busting their humps to make the best flicks they can. Not many of them are great but a surprising number have value both aesthetically and as entertainment. Yet for every one like that, there are 10 soulless voids like this which only exist because some halfwit executive at some pissant cable channel has a slot to fill and can't tell the difference between Spielberg and a homeless guy playing with himself. With the revolutions in production and distribution, we should be living in a new Golden Age of cinema but the truth is we have to tread water like mad just to keep out heads above a raging ocean of crap.
Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution and don't watch Quantum Apocalypse. Don't let your friends watch it. If you're passing by a video screen and notice Quantum Apocalypse is showing on it, take off your show and throw it through the screen. Yes it is THAT bad.
I mean, this thing is just flat out, straight up, no two ways about it pitiful. Quantum Apocalypse pretty much hits every single note on the SyFy Saturday symphony of suck.
Lame special effects that would get laughed at by a 1978 episode of Doctor Who? Check.
Cast full of people who look like they were hired right out of line at the DMV? Check.
That one guy in the cast who when you see him you think "Hey, I know that guy"? Check and embarrassingly played here by Peter Jurasik, also known as Londo Mollari from Babylon 5. Seriously, Jurasik's appearance here is like a junior league version of Bela Lugosi turning up in an Ed Wood production.
That one other person in the cast who seems to have some talent but will have to carry this thing around on her resume for the rest of her life? Check and it's even harder to look at Gigi Edgley try to salvage something out of her one dimensional character and gobledygook dialog than watching Jurasik slum his way to a measly couple of bucks.
The piling of one cliché on top of another until you feel like one of those 700 pound shut ins has rolled on top of you? Check.
A director who has no idea how to end a scene and barely knows which end of the camera points forward? Check.
Budget so low that they can't even afford enough of their bargain basement CGI and must have scene after scene where people just talk about all the terrible things happening off screen? Check.
No nudity? Check.
Fight scenes more poorly staged than a 3rd grade production of West Side Story? Check.
So many unnecessary and extraneous scenes that it's obvious the writer could only come up with 45 minutes of idiotic story and had to pad things out with even stupider and more pointless filler? Check.
Unbelievable cop out of a ending? Check and check.
What's most offensive about productions like Quantum Apocalypse is that there are low budget filmmakers out there who are busting their humps to make the best flicks they can. Not many of them are great but a surprising number have value both aesthetically and as entertainment. Yet for every one like that, there are 10 soulless voids like this which only exist because some halfwit executive at some pissant cable channel has a slot to fill and can't tell the difference between Spielberg and a homeless guy playing with himself. With the revolutions in production and distribution, we should be living in a new Golden Age of cinema but the truth is we have to tread water like mad just to keep out heads above a raging ocean of crap.
Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution and don't watch Quantum Apocalypse. Don't let your friends watch it. If you're passing by a video screen and notice Quantum Apocalypse is showing on it, take off your show and throw it through the screen. Yes it is THAT bad.