Rock of Ages (2012)
2/10
This would work as the best musical of 1933...oh wait it was, as "42nd Street".
27 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Except that "42nd Street" has changed to Sunset Boulevard's Bourbon Club, a fictional rock venue similar to the Viper Room and the Whiskey a go-go. This could also be referred to as "the rip off movie" with its theft of ideas from films dating from "42nd Street" to rock and roll films of the 1960's (like "Don't Knock the Rock") where elderly squares bellowed lines like "rock and roll has got to go!" while smashing a 45 rpm record, up to John Waters' camp classic "Cry Baby". Even "Caddyshack" (the snobs vs. the slobs) is referenced in this adaption of the Broadway hit that just leaves a huge uncomfortable taste in my mouth.

Having lived in Los Angeles during mid 1980's when this takes place, I can confirm the existence of people walking around either with sweaters neatly placed over their shoulders or those scary mullet hair styles that today get sneers. However, there is a total feeling of falseness in the story of the Oklahoma transplant (Julianne Hough) who meets sweet bar back Diego Boneta on her first night in Los Angeles, aids him in his ambition to become a rock star, and the misunderstanding that arises when a creepy aging rock star (Tom Cruise who mumbles most of his lines like a spaced-out Hamlet) seemingly makes a play for her. Mayoral candidate Bryan Cranston longs to close up all the Sunset Strip clubs he claims are destroying the morality of the city, and his Stepford Wife like spouse Catherine Zeta Jones strives to keep her secret past from him (as he does with his spanking fetish) while breaking into light rock songs like "We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore!" (in a Beverly Hills Church no less!).

Then, there's the middle aged Alec Baldwin as the Bourbon Club owner who breaks into "Can't Fight This Feeling" (by Air Supply) when he discovers his true love in one of the film's oddest sequences that tries to hard to be "cute" but is simply a temptation to hold your nose. Mary J. Blidge has the most meaningless part of the film, but she is the only one who really comes out of the film unscathed, performing a duet of "Harden My Heart" with Hough and being a throwback to all those big-hearted cynical dames that were a staple of films of the 1930's and 40's.

The real detriment of this film is the presence of Cruise whose character comes straight out of a bad Saturday morning cartoon. His performance of "I Want to Know What Love Is" with Malin Åkerman (as a Rolling Stone Magazine reporter) is nothing more than a gratuitous porn sequence where fortunately the actors keep their clothes on. Russell Brand as Baldwin's "sidekick" and Paul Giamatti as a sleazy agent are other oddball characters that add to the "eew!" feeling of the film. The selection of music is actually pretty good with lyrics the audience can actually understand. The only thing this accomplished for me, though, was missing certain hot spots of L.A. during the 80's like Tower Records on Sunset Strip (one of the best record stores of all times during its heyday) and the Hollywood sign which you were able to walk up to before it was later gated off. True fans of the music are better of listening to the original albums rather than the trite story which unfolds here. Talk about "Crock of Rages".

Update, December 9, 2014: I finally broke down to go see the musical on Broadway, and while I certainly rank it higher than this, I now understand the changes they made, particularly the change from a German businessman and his effeminate son being behind the take-over of the strip changed to a wealthy couple of nitwits. The nostalgia factor was there for me still, and even reviews I've read of both the show and the movie reflect my feelings of this as a cartoonish look back at a great era in West Hollywood history. Still, I couldn't help but fight the feeling that this era is one that was doomed to disappear even though the famous rock clubs still exist. So the next time I happen to drive down Sunset Boulevard and see that overly designed strip mall on the corner of Sunset and Laurel Canyon, I'll think of this movie and sneer.
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