Review of Pandemic

Pandemic (II) (2009)
1/10
A terrible, awful film that has absolutely no redeeming qualities.
21 April 2013
First things first, it relies on false advertising to sell. Sure, the back-of-the-box blurb is sorta accurate, but what sells is the name and cover art: there are NO cool gas masks. There are NO big cities affected by a plague. There are no stormy, overcast days mirroring the abysmal dysphoria of a human world threatened by disease. This movie is a Grade-A example of movies being posers in an already bloated genre of films.

This film feels like garbage someone put in a candy wrapper and stashed in the vending machine. I rented it from Redbox, watched it once all the way through, and took it back in less than three hours with a look on my face like I was smelling bad cheese. It was horrible! At first, I honestly thought that someone had gotten the "actual" Pandemic DVD, copied the little iOS5 stickers on the center, and replaced the disc with their own shitty independent film.

The music is awful, the visual and audio effects are cheap, and at least 50% of the entire runtime is just montage padding of NOTHING. Watching a lady drive her truck, or her and her dorky man-ape friend run about backwood fields for a few minutes to crappy minimalist pop music. The plot is cliché, the writing is actually worse than an Uwe Boll script that diminishes all empathy, suspense, or drama, and you can tell immediately that the entire budget went into renting those tacky Humvees.

Overall, I'd only recommend this POS DVD if you have a collection of horrible movies for that sake, because this should be your #1-3 Gilded Disc as a tribute to "Cinema Done Wrong." 1/10 and only because they had the balls to release this film...
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