1/10
Makes Braveheart Look Like A Documentary
19 July 2013
You can guarantee Americans to make a movie that plays up to ethnic stereotypes . It's interesting to see that Hollywood rarely makes films set in present day Germany possibly because they're shocked that's there's a famine of goosestepping Nazis . Not so Celtic nations where the IRA are gallant freedom fighters or Scotland where the Clans are united in fighting for freedom led by an American born Aussie with his face painted blue . If nothing else then a film featuring the Loch Ness Monster produced in America should be worth watching just for a laugh . The bad news is this film isn't even bad enough to qualify for guilty pleasure material

From the opening scene nothing about this film feels accurate as we see yachts sailing around in the background and a couple of American scientists lament that " The broads here don't put out unless you marry them " which leads me to believe no one is trying in any context within or outside the film to paint an accurate picture of Scotland

Within moments one of the scientists ends up as a light lunch for Nessie and the surviving scientist makes his way to shore where strangely he doesn't contact the police to let them know that his colleague has just been eaten . Is this to convey how greedy he is and how he might come a cropper at a later stage ? Make your own mind up

It's not enough to just make a simple film with a simple premise about the Loch Ness Monster and the plotting deviates all over the place where in turns it becomes a thriller and has a subplot about an old German plane conveniently lying at the bottom of Loch Ness as if the producers have got fed up with the main plot and want to introduce an Alistair Maclean story

Being Scottish I can promise you that none of the accents are close to resembling any Scottish accent I have heard and the accents sound like an American putting on a fake English accent while trying to sound Irish as in " OH'll shut yoo with this goon lassie " . Despite being set in 1981 it features Scottish soldiers wearing 1950s battle dress armed with guns that were obviously bought from a toy shop and when you've got a film this amateurish you know what to expect from the monster which resembles a paper maiche glove puppet
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