Assume the Missionary Position
24 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Just when you think you've seen every vigilante theme covered, Hollywood pulls this out of the bag. The baddie from Rocky IV (who I'm sorry to say has NOT aged well) writes, shoots, directs, casts, produces, finances, edits, set designs, gaffers and stars in this unique story David v Goliath.

When MM (missionary man) rolls up on his Vespa to the quiet town of *insert town name*, all the locals know about him is that he drinks tequila. straight. All he knows about them is that the native Indians of the town (dressed in costumes so offensively stereotypical, they go past the point of being offensively stereotypical and return to full authenticity) are being asked kindly but firmly to move site by the local government committee, in order to make way for a casino, which would bring wealth, jobs and tourism to the area.

MM soon makes friends with one native Indian family who have just lost their patriarchal figure in a freak drowning accident. 'Our father didn't drown, he was killed' says child native Indian, which confused me a bit. I mean, she was getting at the fact her dad was murdered, but even if someone was holding his head underwater, thus starving his body of oxygen, he still technically drowned. I think what she meant to say was 'Our father's death was the result of actions taken by a third party who possessed malice aforethought'

Anyway, back to the story and the casino planning. MM is having non of this so-called economic progress, and sets off downing shots and kicking-ass.

Now, I'm not gonna spoil the ending by telling you who won, but all I will say is that there will be no Craps for the small town of *insert town name* tonight, or any other night!

There's also some weird sexual tension between Mother Native Indian and MM, but the less said about that the better. It seems like Rocky IV baddie wrote in some sex scenes, but got cold feet at the last minute and scribbled them out. anyway, you just get this sense they are sleeping together off-camera.

The film is beautifully shot, but I found out later it was just colour distortion due to trouble converting the film reel, so I don't really think he can get points for that, hence the 9/10 score.
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