Review of Creepozoids

1998. World War III has reduced the planet into a dangerous wasteland complete with acid rain. Five army deserters seek refuge in an abandoned laboratory complex. Naturally, the place turns out to be the stalking grounds for both lethal mutated rats and a huge'n'savage subhuman beast. Man, does this wonderfully wretched junk possess all the right stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: The ham-fisted (non)direction by David DeCouteau (who also co-wrote the dire and hopelessly derivative script with Buford Hauser), the lousy acting, the tacky gore (one guy pukes what looks like motor oil in a mess hall scene that's directly lifted from ALIEN), the endless shots of folks running up and down corridors, the glaring lapses in logic (a post-nuke world which still has functioning computers and showers with clean water in it!), and a seriously lame "it ain't over yet!" final freeze frame all provide a wealth of unintentional belly laughs. Moreover, the cut-rate (far from) special effects are a complete cheesy riot: The hilariously hokey and unconvincing over-sized stuffed rats, some poor schmoe in an obvious rubbery monster suit, and a hysterically pathetic mutant puppet baby are all sidesplitting sorry sights to behold. Richard L. Hawkins as inept squad leader Jake makes for a laughably wimpy and ineffectual would-be hero. As a yummy plus, the ever-luscious Linnea Quigley once again bares her beautifully bountiful breasts and takes a steamy shower. Thomas L. Calloway's dingy cinematography and Guy Moon's redundantly bouncy score are both perfectly putrid. A real cruddy hoot and a half.