5/10
The Mermaids Of Tedium ...er, Tiburon
16 March 2014
As soon as I saw the thank-you's to Marineland & Mexico in the opening credits, I had a feeling I'd be in for some road show Jacques Cousteau sure to bore the pants off me and I was right. Filmed by a noted underwater photographer, it's certainly nice-looking but still, it's an hour-and-a-half of watching lead mermaid (the aptly named Diane Webber, a former Playboy Playmate) swim around and around -and around- as a marine biologist and a slimy villain search for giant pearls off the coast of Tiburon, an uninhabited Mexican island. On the plus side, it was in color, the three mermaids weren't cheesy, and the bad guy was played by the great Tim Carey but even he couldn't keep me from occasionally nodding off. This was the original version -actually a "DVD extra"- since the film was butchered and re-released with topless mermaids inserted and the waterlogged plot changed ...to what, I don't know because I have no intention of sitting through it again.
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