I'd never seen "The Prodigal" and had barely even heard of it so, hoping for a little smut and pageantry, I watched it all the way through, a true, dedicated fan of Biblical spectacles.
It's an oft-told tale: boy ditches girl-next-door to date a more worldly doll. In this case the boy, Micah, finds himself inside a sort of pagan revival tent presided over, not by Aimee Semple McPherson, but by Lana Turner, clad in...well, shall we say barely clad. It's instant puppy love. Lana walks solemnly around inside the tent clutching two torches, hoping, no doubt, like a kid in a high-school pageant, that she doesn't blow her Big Moment. Anyway, Lana, a high priestess (and man-eater) heads to Damascus, and Micah high-tails it after her. Geography and distance in this movie feel like, that to get to Damascus you turn left at the next intersection, first sound-stage on your right.
Once in the city, Micah, an astute hero for the ages, is conned out of all his wealth by pimps and assorted riff-raff. He buys Lana a legendary pearl in exchange for a promise to get everything his heart desires, which, I think, means he'll get laid. Sure enough, they end up in the sack, but the tempestuousness is as mushy as a soggy falafel, and you'd need a flame-thrower to ignite any sparks between Edmund Purdom and Lana Turner. Bad things happen, and pretty soon there's a revolt of the underdogs of society, led by Mr. Puppy Love himself. The big battle scene consists of a bunch of men in skirts running around hither and yonder thwacking each other. There's the obligatory storming of the temple. The mob trashes the place, and who can blame them? The interior decoration is hideous. They throw chunks of painted Styrofoam at Lana, the better not to smudge her make-up. Micah heads home with his tail between his legs and makes nice with dad and the girl next door. And that's the end of the movie and my review. I think I'll go watch "Quo Vadis" again.
It's an oft-told tale: boy ditches girl-next-door to date a more worldly doll. In this case the boy, Micah, finds himself inside a sort of pagan revival tent presided over, not by Aimee Semple McPherson, but by Lana Turner, clad in...well, shall we say barely clad. It's instant puppy love. Lana walks solemnly around inside the tent clutching two torches, hoping, no doubt, like a kid in a high-school pageant, that she doesn't blow her Big Moment. Anyway, Lana, a high priestess (and man-eater) heads to Damascus, and Micah high-tails it after her. Geography and distance in this movie feel like, that to get to Damascus you turn left at the next intersection, first sound-stage on your right.
Once in the city, Micah, an astute hero for the ages, is conned out of all his wealth by pimps and assorted riff-raff. He buys Lana a legendary pearl in exchange for a promise to get everything his heart desires, which, I think, means he'll get laid. Sure enough, they end up in the sack, but the tempestuousness is as mushy as a soggy falafel, and you'd need a flame-thrower to ignite any sparks between Edmund Purdom and Lana Turner. Bad things happen, and pretty soon there's a revolt of the underdogs of society, led by Mr. Puppy Love himself. The big battle scene consists of a bunch of men in skirts running around hither and yonder thwacking each other. There's the obligatory storming of the temple. The mob trashes the place, and who can blame them? The interior decoration is hideous. They throw chunks of painted Styrofoam at Lana, the better not to smudge her make-up. Micah heads home with his tail between his legs and makes nice with dad and the girl next door. And that's the end of the movie and my review. I think I'll go watch "Quo Vadis" again.