3/10
80s Horror for Teen girls
5 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
With a name and premise that parodies the classic Phantom of the Opera, a classic novel, originally written as a serialization by Gaston Leroux in 1909, and made into a classic movie staring Lon Chaney in 1925 and into a classic musical by Andrew Llyod Webber in 1986, Phantom of the Mall is not a classic in 80s cheesiness. It is a romantic horror aimed at teen girls and very dated.

The premise is that a young man named Eric, who was partly burned in his house during a fire while helping his girl friend out the window by an evil mall developer's (to build a mall in the space) henchman, is some how living under the mall watching his girlfriend and her friends through security televisions. When somebody wrongs his girlfriend or her friend, he kills them and plots his revenge on those who burned down his house and disfigured him, and supposedly killed his parents in their sleep, although it's only mentioned at the flashback scene when the house is burning down, it's never mentioned again.

Somehow nobody knows that he's down there. At the beginning, when one guard sees him, and for some odd reason gets right up in his face when he's standing still, he gets murdered. So, people who do see him get killed I suppose? He kills one guy on an escalator, the mall owner's punk son, even though the mall seems to still be open, or people are just leaving. Yet nobody sees it? Anyway, his girlfriend Melody, who is still grieving over his death, is now working at the mall, which is over the same land that Eric's house stood. He puts the same kind of flowers that he gave her when she knew he was alive in her locker and gives her old gifts that they shared and plays their music on the jukebox. This lets Melody know that he's still alive.

There's a reporter, Peter Baldwin, investigating Melody's story who she develops the hots for. She tells him that she saw the guy who burned down Eric's house and that he had a dangling earring with a medal at the end. The guy was such a scumbag that he came up to her as she was lying in the grass in Eric's yard, after Eric helped her out the second floor window of his room, and stands over top her with out a mask or anything. He was now working at that very mall as a security guard, after Eric offed two other guards and dropped on of their bodies in the mall owners office. The henchman/guard,has greased back hair, that cements his scum bagginess if you didn't know if he was one or not.

Peter ends up identifying the culprit from his dangling earring, that he's still wearing. He attempts to conspicuously take his picture in a Sam Goody store within the mall, through a wall mirror. The no good scumbag guy hears the click of his camera and chases Peter in a sort of silly chase scene. As he chases him, we see that the guy is such a scumbag that he pushes over a baby carriage with a baby inside.

Melody and Peter find out for certain that Eric is still alive after they exhume his empty grave, which I guess nobody who prepared for his burial noticed. After they find this out, Melody goes back home, has a dream she's having sex with Eric, then Peter, but then is wake up when he becomes scumbag in her dream and I guess says what I take is his catchphrase. When she's up, she goes back to her job as a waitress at one of the mall's restaurants, there she sees scumbag sitting at one of the booths. She runs to call Peter, the guy chases her down to the basement, where Eric opens up a can of whoop-ass on him, and beheads him under a freight lift door. He takes Melody back to his lair where he's been working out and has dresses for her. Melody's happy to see him at first, or is just humoring him, because she doesn't want to stay with him anyway. Eric tells her he plans on blowing up the entire mall and he tries to keep her back with him. He then goes to prepare his revenge.

Peter hears Eric run by, and goes looking for Melody in the vents. Peter finds her in Eric's special place, Eric tries to fight him, but Melody tells Eric to stop because she loves Peter. They end up getting away to tell the mayor Morgan Fairchild, who is attending the big mall event. She pulls out a gun and tells them to move it, because this is just too big for her. How dare they warn her about a bomb and make her lose money! She winds up impaled. Eric runs into main a**hole mall developer, and fires him with a blow torch that makes him fall back into propane cans right before the mall blows up. Afterwards Melody and Peter talk lovey-dovey to each other, and are surprisingly nonchalant about the situation.

So, if you read this far, you would notice that this movie was just one giant plot hole after another. A movie that is an update of sorts to the Phantom of the Opera that takes place in the mall could have only been made in the eighties or early 90s.
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