Review of Feng Shui 2

These are the 10 things that will have you raving... raving drunk! 10. The chance to see Carmi Martin act deliciously drunk – and, spoilers here, the drinks are not alcoholic, but rather, household poisons! 9. The chance to see the pretty Ms Cherry Pie Picache digging for treasure in her backyard – complete with a yaya. Ms Picache successfully unearths a gold-gilded plate, several trinkets, and, alas, a bomb that explodes, depriving us of the you-thought-she-had-one-fantastic-acting- scene golden moment. One is slightly reminded of the poor Ms Delia Razón, wheelchair-bound, pushed to her death into the swimming pool by an evil Anne Curtis (IKA-13 KAPITULO, 2000). 8. The chance to see Chinatown hunks Randy See and Kurt Ong play non-roles, in their valiant to attempt to become the next big Coco Martin, I mean, star. Joining the fray is actor Martin Escudero, who showed great comedic skill in ZOMBADINGS. Alas, he also thinks it's a comedy scene when Coco Martin hollers for him to row the boat nearer and hurry up, so that they can chase after mob boss Paolo (Teodoro Baldomaro). The grit and angst in Coco Martin's face is rewarded by a giggly performance by Escudero as he obediently rows the boat towards Martin. 7. The chance to marvel at theater stalwarts Bart Guingona (as Kris Aquino's real estate boss) and Jenine Desiderio (returning from the 2004 movie, a woman who comes into brief possession of the bagua and jumps to her death) – marvelously deadpan in their scenes (Guingona in his complimentary and fawning speech to Kris, Desiderio in her look-of- abject-terror moment before the death-fall). How can one keep a straight face in a Kris Aquino movie? These two can. (Martin Escudero and Diana Zubiri must have valiantly tried, and failed). 6. The chance to have "the living daylights frightened out of you" when you hear the tiny patter of feet, of Lotus Feet. (This clever gimmick worked in the 2004 movie; today it will increasingly annoy you when it is repeated over and over. And over. And over. And over.) 5. The chance to watch Diana Zubiri as a pouty henchwoman who loses her cellular phone with credit cards – and promptly has the two youths who return it (Martin Escudero and Randy See) beaten up, and alas, killed, by her goons. Zubiri can play villainess in the brilliant Kris Aquino manner. 4. The chance to grimace and gasp as action star Ian Veneracion, who never dies in any of his movies, plays a goody-goody-two-shoes/love interest of Kris Aquino here, and foolishly drives into a street full of bums, hustlers, roundabouts and vagabonds, fatally running over one of the aforementioned. Alas, for the first time in Philippine cinema, handsome, baby-faced Ian Veneracion gets mugged, beaten up and killed! 3. The chance to scrutinize Kris Aquino's immaculate alabaster skin, free of blemishes that afflict ordinary mortals. Even in horror moments, there seems to be a translucent glow to Aquino's skin (while other mere mortals in the movie blanch, looked flushed, or are terrorized scarlet), but she's not playing a zombie here, so…. 2. The chance to see 78-year-old actor Joonee Gamboa perform, for the 100th time, a wise man/sage/know-it-all/white-haired mystic/backstory narrator/the-boy-who-cried-wolf… his trembly voice never losing its serious dramatic tenor, Gamboa perorates about the ramifications of possessing and owning the bagua, garnering a bored look from Ms Cherry Pie Picache, an I'm-about-to-cry/I'm-about-to-die look from Mr Coco Martin, and an I-appeared-in-several-Carlo-J.-Caparas-movies-so-I-know- how-to-react-to-this-kind-of-moment look of anguish from a properly distressed Ms Kris Aquino. 1. The chance to see if the twist ending paves the way for a much- desired Part Three. (I won't kiss and tell, go find out for yourself!). FENG SHUI 2 is the sequel to Kris Aquino's highly successful horror film, FENG SHUI (2004). Returning characters include Joonee Gamboa as Hsui Liao, Emil Sandoval as Evart Mendoza, Cherry Pie Picache as Lily Mendoza, and in flashbacks, Jay Manalo as Inton Ramirez, Ilonah Jean as Thelma, Mon Confiado as Raul.