Oh, gosh, so many h8rs for a film that doesn't aspire to be anything more than worth every penny of your $1.50 at the Redbox.
You'd do yourself a favor to cut this The Asylum outing the break your IMDb and Amazon peers have denied.
The preposterousness and cheesiness of this comic book melodrama are actually redeemed by some winning performances; colorful and creative, if not convincing special effects; and a cast totally committed to this project, no matter how ridiculous the plot thickens like flowing lava.
The story: Some unclear natural disaster has created volcanic activity of such scale that it's essentially turned the West Coast into Mordor.
As it happens, an airline (for some reason, just one airline, and not hundreds) is approaching L.A. at that exact time, and ends up flying straight into the volcano.
It flies and flies and flies, for the entire 90-minute runtime, somehow, despite engine failure, pilot deaths, insane terrorists, low fuel, volcanic heat, flying lava balls and ash clouds so hot they turn beachgoers into piles of cinders.
How will they survive? How can the volcano be stopped?
You'll be surprised how much you'll care about those answers.
The cast: Dean Cain got too fat to be Superman, so now he turns up in The Asylum roles Greg Evigan turns down to preserve his dignity. He's OK in this one as one of those stock-character passengers who happens to know how to fly a plane once the pilots are dead.
Surprisingly endearing is a turn by Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, famous only as Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington on the '70s sitcom "Welcome Back, Kotter," as a grizzled air marshal. Somebody give this talented Hollywood veteran a cop series.
Robin Givens shows up, characteristically devoid of any charm or personality, as a volcano expert who exists only to forward and describe the absurd pseudo-science of the film's main conceit.
And as is true in pretty much every other The Asylum flick, the supporting cast and extras act their little nobody hearts out, as if this stupid DTV kerfuffle was "Terms of Endearment."
The SFX: Most of the time, it looks like a CGI aircraft superimposed on a Renaissance painting of the Catholic interpretation of hell. But you can't say that's not doggone pretty to look at. Most of this film is the fire-orange hue you wish Crayola made a crayon of when you were an insane little kid.
A couple of times, when a piece of lava hits the plane, or as the plane flies over vast magma fields, it looks really cool. Credit the editor as much as the SFX team for creating fine dramatic tension on the cheap.
Other times, it looks like a cartoon. Like a "Bullwinkle" cartoon.
The lowdown: Look, you watch a movie called "Airplane Vs. Volcano," you know It's from The Asylum, you can't fault the thing for wasting your time because it wasn't "Star Wars."
Few production houses require viewers to leave their brains at the door as often as The Asylum. But when we do, we're occasionally charmed by the end product.
"Airplane Vs. Volcano" is one of those pearls in an otherwise slimy oyster bed.
You'd do yourself a favor to cut this The Asylum outing the break your IMDb and Amazon peers have denied.
The preposterousness and cheesiness of this comic book melodrama are actually redeemed by some winning performances; colorful and creative, if not convincing special effects; and a cast totally committed to this project, no matter how ridiculous the plot thickens like flowing lava.
The story: Some unclear natural disaster has created volcanic activity of such scale that it's essentially turned the West Coast into Mordor.
As it happens, an airline (for some reason, just one airline, and not hundreds) is approaching L.A. at that exact time, and ends up flying straight into the volcano.
It flies and flies and flies, for the entire 90-minute runtime, somehow, despite engine failure, pilot deaths, insane terrorists, low fuel, volcanic heat, flying lava balls and ash clouds so hot they turn beachgoers into piles of cinders.
How will they survive? How can the volcano be stopped?
You'll be surprised how much you'll care about those answers.
The cast: Dean Cain got too fat to be Superman, so now he turns up in The Asylum roles Greg Evigan turns down to preserve his dignity. He's OK in this one as one of those stock-character passengers who happens to know how to fly a plane once the pilots are dead.
Surprisingly endearing is a turn by Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, famous only as Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington on the '70s sitcom "Welcome Back, Kotter," as a grizzled air marshal. Somebody give this talented Hollywood veteran a cop series.
Robin Givens shows up, characteristically devoid of any charm or personality, as a volcano expert who exists only to forward and describe the absurd pseudo-science of the film's main conceit.
And as is true in pretty much every other The Asylum flick, the supporting cast and extras act their little nobody hearts out, as if this stupid DTV kerfuffle was "Terms of Endearment."
The SFX: Most of the time, it looks like a CGI aircraft superimposed on a Renaissance painting of the Catholic interpretation of hell. But you can't say that's not doggone pretty to look at. Most of this film is the fire-orange hue you wish Crayola made a crayon of when you were an insane little kid.
A couple of times, when a piece of lava hits the plane, or as the plane flies over vast magma fields, it looks really cool. Credit the editor as much as the SFX team for creating fine dramatic tension on the cheap.
Other times, it looks like a cartoon. Like a "Bullwinkle" cartoon.
The lowdown: Look, you watch a movie called "Airplane Vs. Volcano," you know It's from The Asylum, you can't fault the thing for wasting your time because it wasn't "Star Wars."
Few production houses require viewers to leave their brains at the door as often as The Asylum. But when we do, we're occasionally charmed by the end product.
"Airplane Vs. Volcano" is one of those pearls in an otherwise slimy oyster bed.