There's "fun but stupid". There's "so bad it's good". And then there's "Gods of Egypt", a movie so bad it makes the rest of your life better in comparison. Here's an example, the opening scene is a thief stealing a dress from a shop. The shop keep notices, the thief runs, guards chase after... immediate cut he's talking to a girl now.
Yep, no fun chase scene, even if that's screen writing, like, 85, remedial screen writing for a 9 year old. Why was that scene there? Why does this movie exist? How did it ever get made despite having a huge budget? These are questions that, in a better movie, might cause you despair. It might ask you to question why you're stuck in a dead end job while the people involved with the movie in question got paid millions to push out this torrid drivel.
But there's good news, God's of Egypt is even worse than that! None of the actors give a sh*t about anything they're doing, and since they only did one take each time why should they! The editor did the whole movie in a single pass while blindfolded. The writers came up with a pitch that appealed to a bunch of idiotic producers in Hollywood and then farmed out the actual screenplay to high school English students that got all got Ds.
Plot? The white god who's a giant Horus is going to become King of Egypt, even though he's a god, but he's king also cause shut up. Then Gerard Butler shows up, stabs the current king, and says "I'm King now" and everyone but Horus gives up, then he tears Horus's eyes out. You think I'm skipping over parts, or selling the drama short or something, nope. He's just "hi, stab, I'm king OK? Well OK, that was easy, let's move on to the next part!
Gods of Egypt isn't bad, it's not so bad it's good, it's not even worse than that. It's worse than the worst movie you can think of. It's so bad it makes you realize all of life is a random joke. So relax, because if God's of Egypt can actually get made and released that means actually trying in life is for fools and your fate is anything but in your own hands. Success and failure are random and arbitrary, so kick back enjoy the ride!
Yep, no fun chase scene, even if that's screen writing, like, 85, remedial screen writing for a 9 year old. Why was that scene there? Why does this movie exist? How did it ever get made despite having a huge budget? These are questions that, in a better movie, might cause you despair. It might ask you to question why you're stuck in a dead end job while the people involved with the movie in question got paid millions to push out this torrid drivel.
But there's good news, God's of Egypt is even worse than that! None of the actors give a sh*t about anything they're doing, and since they only did one take each time why should they! The editor did the whole movie in a single pass while blindfolded. The writers came up with a pitch that appealed to a bunch of idiotic producers in Hollywood and then farmed out the actual screenplay to high school English students that got all got Ds.
Plot? The white god who's a giant Horus is going to become King of Egypt, even though he's a god, but he's king also cause shut up. Then Gerard Butler shows up, stabs the current king, and says "I'm King now" and everyone but Horus gives up, then he tears Horus's eyes out. You think I'm skipping over parts, or selling the drama short or something, nope. He's just "hi, stab, I'm king OK? Well OK, that was easy, let's move on to the next part!
Gods of Egypt isn't bad, it's not so bad it's good, it's not even worse than that. It's worse than the worst movie you can think of. It's so bad it makes you realize all of life is a random joke. So relax, because if God's of Egypt can actually get made and released that means actually trying in life is for fools and your fate is anything but in your own hands. Success and failure are random and arbitrary, so kick back enjoy the ride!