Teen Witch (1989)
7/10
at least its more charming than Charmed, and way cuter than Sabrina... Top That!
6 June 2016
Okay, more deserving of a 6, but the extra point is awarded because my title is so, so, so true... And there isn't any further episodes to this to make me rue the day I bought the set. Which is more than I can say for two certain TV-shows that started off promising but turned sour, very sour, bitchily sour, the one an all- out man-hating festering hotbed for pointless displays of femi- Nazism. And the kiddie version just made everything male dorky.

But okay, enough of that old rant of mine.

TEEN WITCH, 1989. I never even heard of it. Big fan of SAVANNAH, 1996 - 1997, though, there, Robyn Lively, not so much. During the second season though, her character began coming into its own (well, at one stage, just before the wheels began to fall off) and I Googled her, and discovered she was in a teen movie. Downloaded a snippet of it, it was that f***awful vomit-worthy rap sequence "Top That" which is truly, truly, truly bad, people who read this without knowing what I am talking about have no idea how bad it is, it positively reeks, not of cheese, but of weeks-old cheese that's been inside a dog and...

Anyway, you get the picture. Me too. The sight of a much younger Robyn Lively at the peak of her allure was most inspiring, and I put the movie on my long list of try-to-obtain-these...

The Eighties was a time of innocence. That's all I can say. Some things were a whole lot better then. That is very true. In that locker-room dance sequence, you will notice that the girls are very, very All-American, healthy-looking, fresh and clean, no 'girlz from da hood' and no tattoos (that one there is an ankle bracelet, folks!) and just all round absolutely nice. So that's better! But some of the routines, including everything done by the boys, geez, I doubt it could have been seen as that great even way back then. Now it's positively Gaysville. In fact, I think little white lads jumping about like that positively played to a pederast audience. One thing for girls to cavort about, they're timeless beauties, but these guys, they look freaking (unintentionally) queer. It goes without saying that it's instant career suicide for a male (except that one, of course) to have been even remotely seen on this set.

And that Ritchie boy deserved to be dropped from the cast, he was so unconvincing as a heckler. Perhaps a force to be reckoned with in his own home to his vulnerable sister, but being of a particularly odd look, kind of like an old woman, he'd have been ridiculed mercilessly beyond the garden gate. Very unconvincing performance, no conviction in the eyes. There must have been scores who could have done better, but, of course, they wisely stayed clear.

I liked Robyn, very interesting to see her back in her glory days.

Now, back to "I Like Boys" - wow, golly, gee, yes, I am a guy, and, wow, what a surprise, I didn't even expect! Long legs, long hair, and they jump about, arching their feet, and did I mention the long, long legs? This reviewer is only human, and (pant, pant)...

"I Like Boys" 10 - 10, Robyn Lively 7 and half - 10, "Top That" belongs on a garbage dump, movie itself a lukewarm response, there are so many off-putting key elements... factoring in some zeitgeist, I'd say 4 - 10. The beauty of the female cast saves it, and sways me, of course!
3 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed