I've seen GALAXINA referred to as a "cult favorite" to which my response is, "For whom?" There are endless better descriptions of this sci-fi/"comedy" from writer/director William Sachs. Here is a short selection from which to choose: crap, rubbish, garbage, the cinematic equivalent to that murky water that pools under dumpsters, and an excruciating waste of time for all parties involved. I've seen it twice in my life (and likely never again) and I've never been able to stomach it in one sitting. It follows the crew of the space police patrol ship Infinity in the year 3008. The crew consists of Captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber), his second in command Sergeant Thor (Stephen Macht), the ship's pilot Buzz (J.D. Hinton), the engineers Maurice (Lionel Mark Smith) and Sam Wo (Tad Horino), and the ship's service droid Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten). I guess the movie is about the love developing between the lecherous Thor and poor Galaxina but we're also forced to suffer through an inane B-plot where the crew is sent twenty-seven years into deep space to the former penal colony on Altar 1 to recover something called the "blue star" which gives its user the power to conquer the universe. An alien named Ordic (Ronald Knight) also has sights on the blue star and so the race is on to see who can find it first. There's a good chance none of this matters though because the movie is so mercilessly not funny that you'll be struggling to care.
"You know, kid, you got a bad habit. You breathe." – Captain Butt
If the fact that the captain is named Butt (and you're meant to laugh at it) wasn't enough of a warning, the sense of dread should wash over you around the time Butt starts dropping such golden lines as the one above. But to even get to the point where you're forced to suffer through the dialogue, you have to sit through almost ten minutes of shots of the Infinity traveling through space, an opening text scrawl, and the opening credits. Once we finally get to the characters, you're immediately hit with guffaw-worthy gags like the alien opera on TV broadcasting "live from Uranus" and Butt hitting his crew with zingers like, "If a jack*** had both your brains, he'd be a dumb jack***." Classic. There's also a rock-eating alien in the ship's brig for Butt to torment that's supposed to be funny because it uses foul language and eats rocks. This rock-eater (and that's as close as we get to a name for it) looks like a costume you'd see in the background of the Mos Eisely scene in STAR WARS, except STAR WARS would've been smart enough not to give the character any lines because then it just looks stupid with it's flapping puppet mouth. Speaking of STAR WARS, you'll see it's influence all over this fecal pile; same with STAR TREK and ALIEN. It's just a constant reminder that you could be watching better movies.
Let's ignore the fact that 100% of the film's jokes fall flat and that nothing of importance happens until somewhere around the movie's halfway point (or arguably ever). What about the characters themselves? Anyone relatable or semi-interesting? You can probably already guess the answer to that. I'm pretty sure I can skip Captain Butt here. Thor is our "hero" and the inevitable love interest for Galaxina. Our first glimpse into their budding love is when he attempts to grope under her skirt at dinner and gets an electric shock for his effort. He later tries to force himself on her in private (and gets electrocuted again) before getting his rocks off (you'll hear the pun a lot thanks to the rock eater) at an intergalactic brothel. Oh, and it's while spying on Thor in the brothel that Galaxina first shows signs of affection for him. So, analyze that. So Thor's a horrible human being. How do the rest fare? One-dimensionally. No one else gets more than a character trait or two to define them. Buzz is a good ol' boy. Maurice is some sort of man-bat with pointed ears and tiny useless wings on his shoulders, and Sam is a wizened old Asian man who's constantly stoned and speaks in fortune cookies. Then there's the fact that the movie sees women as nothing more than sex objects while the only two non-white characters are treated like lesser crewman (Maurice and Sam are the only characters absent from the dinner scene).
GALAXINA earns minor points for surprisingly effective production design and cinematography. The miniatures used in the space sequences are believable for a few minutes before they just aren't. This movie looks a lot better than it has any right to but it's not enough to save it. There's nothing more painful to watch than comedy that utterly fails to be funny, and GALAXINA reminds me a lot of another garbage sci- fi/"comedy" from the '80s: MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE. I despised that movie too. GALAXINA might be a different type of bad from MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE, but it's definitely as bad.
"You know, kid, you got a bad habit. You breathe." – Captain Butt
If the fact that the captain is named Butt (and you're meant to laugh at it) wasn't enough of a warning, the sense of dread should wash over you around the time Butt starts dropping such golden lines as the one above. But to even get to the point where you're forced to suffer through the dialogue, you have to sit through almost ten minutes of shots of the Infinity traveling through space, an opening text scrawl, and the opening credits. Once we finally get to the characters, you're immediately hit with guffaw-worthy gags like the alien opera on TV broadcasting "live from Uranus" and Butt hitting his crew with zingers like, "If a jack*** had both your brains, he'd be a dumb jack***." Classic. There's also a rock-eating alien in the ship's brig for Butt to torment that's supposed to be funny because it uses foul language and eats rocks. This rock-eater (and that's as close as we get to a name for it) looks like a costume you'd see in the background of the Mos Eisely scene in STAR WARS, except STAR WARS would've been smart enough not to give the character any lines because then it just looks stupid with it's flapping puppet mouth. Speaking of STAR WARS, you'll see it's influence all over this fecal pile; same with STAR TREK and ALIEN. It's just a constant reminder that you could be watching better movies.
Let's ignore the fact that 100% of the film's jokes fall flat and that nothing of importance happens until somewhere around the movie's halfway point (or arguably ever). What about the characters themselves? Anyone relatable or semi-interesting? You can probably already guess the answer to that. I'm pretty sure I can skip Captain Butt here. Thor is our "hero" and the inevitable love interest for Galaxina. Our first glimpse into their budding love is when he attempts to grope under her skirt at dinner and gets an electric shock for his effort. He later tries to force himself on her in private (and gets electrocuted again) before getting his rocks off (you'll hear the pun a lot thanks to the rock eater) at an intergalactic brothel. Oh, and it's while spying on Thor in the brothel that Galaxina first shows signs of affection for him. So, analyze that. So Thor's a horrible human being. How do the rest fare? One-dimensionally. No one else gets more than a character trait or two to define them. Buzz is a good ol' boy. Maurice is some sort of man-bat with pointed ears and tiny useless wings on his shoulders, and Sam is a wizened old Asian man who's constantly stoned and speaks in fortune cookies. Then there's the fact that the movie sees women as nothing more than sex objects while the only two non-white characters are treated like lesser crewman (Maurice and Sam are the only characters absent from the dinner scene).
GALAXINA earns minor points for surprisingly effective production design and cinematography. The miniatures used in the space sequences are believable for a few minutes before they just aren't. This movie looks a lot better than it has any right to but it's not enough to save it. There's nothing more painful to watch than comedy that utterly fails to be funny, and GALAXINA reminds me a lot of another garbage sci- fi/"comedy" from the '80s: MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE. I despised that movie too. GALAXINA might be a different type of bad from MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE, but it's definitely as bad.