6/10
If Mel Brooks directed a silent melodrama, this might be the result
25 January 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Silent film mavens only watch this one because a young Valentino plays the villain, but I will say this: silent film mavens should watch THE MARRIED VIRGIN because it is over-the-top hilarious in how bad it is.

This is truly incompetent film-making, complete with bad storytelling and editing. I'm talking flashbacks within flashbacks, insipid episodes with little children being cutesy. The characters are all stereotypes-- the evil trophy wife who loves adultery, the saintly young maiden who loves her father, the boring goody-goody fiancee who loves goodness, the evil gigolo who loves money.

Valentino and Kathleen Kirkham are fun villains, I will admit. Anytime they're onscreen, you're bound to have a good time. That they are so much more likable than the heroes is a bad sign. You really do wish they'd just run off to Argentina and the rest of the movie would just be about them ripping other people off and then cackling about it.

The high point of the melodrama has to be when Valentino's evil count, drunk, grief-stricken, and sexually frustrated, tries to endanger the heroine's virtue by bursting into her boudoir in the middle of the night. It's supposed to be suspenseful, but when the villain dives at the heroine only to belly flop on her bed, you're aren't going to be shivering in your boots. Then the maid runs to the rescue and shoves a crucifix at Valentino's face like he's a vampire. It's so campy I have to wonder if it was intentionally so, but I'm honestly not sure. The story is just so awful.

I feel like this movie was written around its suggestive title. It cares more about melodrama and shock than it does developing characters, that's for sure. Still, if you like Valentino and you like campy melodrama, you'll want to see this.
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