Review of Arctic

People that are giving this movie high scores are just trying too hard. They're probably the same people that gave the movie "Open Water" such high praise, and that was, basically, 80 minutes of watching people float in the middle of the ocean. I like Mads Mikkleson a lot. He's kind of a cross between pre-bloated Rutger Hauer and a European Christopher Walken. Still, the bottom line about "Arctic" is that if you are looking for a movie that's entertaining...this is just not it. I read a review where someone said they loved the script to this movie, and to that person I have these two questions to ask: #1. What script? #2. Were you and I watching the same movie? Because the script for this movie comes in at roughly10-12 lines. Total. For the whole hour and a half. No exaggeration. If you watch this movie, you will be watching what amounts to about an hour straight of a guy dragging a sled with a woman strapped to it through the snow. A polar bear makes a cameo at one point (which is about the best 45 seconds of the movie), and Mads stares at a map intermittently, and those are the only two things that break up the monotony of him doing sled dog-like work through a never changing, snow-covered cinemascape. That's it...for 90 minutes. And if - like me - you think that there might be a redeemable ending to make up for all the inconceivable, inexplicable tedium that this movie puts you through... Naaahhhhhhh... Hard to fathom as it may be, the ending of this movie is the worst part of this steaming pile of dog duke. This is no spoiler. The ending of this movie blows chunks of blue cheese!

So, how people are rating this movie 8 stars and 9 stars and the like is well beyond my reasoning capabilities. If you could see me right now, I am, lit'rally, shaking my head. Lit'rally.

Loved the script?! That's...it's just...I mean... AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!