Review of Horndogs Beach Party

This purposeful attempt at making a schlocky retro-80's style horny teen romp alas succeeds much too well at its lousy goal. The limp (non)direction, terrible acting by a lame no-name cast, a meandering and uneventful narrative that unfolds at a painfully sluggish pace, a numbing surplus of tedious talk, the hopelessly witless humor (the all-time worst gag features a guy pooping his guts out on the toilet), an annoying bunch of insufferable characters, and the cruddy cinematography all make this turkey a total chore to endure. Worse yet, the titular bash mostly happens offscreen and what little occurs onscreen barely lasts three minutes tops. Only Troy Fromin as the raucous Horndog and J. Anna Lupo as snarky dominatrix trash film show hostess Sister Sadie Safewood bring any vitality to their parts while Brinke Stevens is wasted in a nothing bit role. In addition, while there are plenty of hot babes in bikinis the gratuitous nudity quotient is nowhere near as substantial as it could and should have been considering the premise. A real clunker.