Forest Primeval (2008 Video)
1/10
One Man's Trash...
5 February 2020
Warning: Spoilers
... is usually another man's trash, too. Such is the case with "Forest Primeval". Once I saw that this was a Polonia Brothers production, I knew that I was in for a crap-fest extraordinare. From the horrid casting and acting, to the equally bad production and special effects, this had the patented Polonia stench all over it. I thought that "Dinosaur Activity" was god-awful, but with "Forest Primeval", the Polonia Boys lend credence to something that Albert Einstein once suggested: man's intelligence has it's limits, but his stupidity is boundless.

From the doofus shown hunting in the opening scene, to his ditzy, whiny girlfriend waiting for him in his truck, to the doctor who takes a patient's stats, not their vitals, this movie blows chunks. I do have to admit that the doofus Hunter's tricked out 4WD truck was pretty nice.

Nobody, from the hunter, to his girlfriend, to the hiker in the woods, manages to catch sight of the eight foot, bright red monster stalking them until it is practically on top of them. I saw at least one familiar face, some geek with a 1980s peroxide blonde hairdo that I've seen in other Polonia Brothers productions. I'd look up his name, but it isn't worth the two minutes that it would take. He must owe them money, or msybe they're blackmailing him with photographs of him doing indecent things with livestock. For whatever reason, he keeps popping up in leading roles in these cinematic turds.

If you're of a mind to laugh at utter stupidity, horrible acting, and worse special effects, this movie is for you. I turned it off after 10 minutes.
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