Crime Wave (1985)
2/10
An 80-minute joke I wasn't in on
13 April 2020
People seem to find something in this that I completely couldn't grasp. It was like sitting in a room with two people who were whispering to each other, and cracking each other up with obviously hilarious stuff that I couldn't really hear. Or like watching a dialogue-heavy foreign film without any subtitles.

Maybe you have to be Canadian. Maybe you have to have knowledge of what 'Canuxploitation' is. Maybe you have to have some sort of personal connection to the director or crew. I don't know what you need or what kind of substances you might have to be on to enjoy this but whatever it may be, I didn't have it. I was on this movie's level for about 5 seconds, when it cut to a dog driving a car out of nowhere and I thought "yeah, I guess that's kind of amusing."

It's visually ugly, as well as gratingly repetitive in its story, style, and soundtrack (the music is so awful and it feels like there's less than 5 minutes of it in total, including the uncomfortable credits song with lyrics about the protagonist potentially marrying his child next door neighbour when she's older). The acting is terrible, the jokes unfunny and confusing, and about 5 minutes in I was already frustrated and utterly lost. I thought maybe it would eventually click with me, but it never did.

You might love this like so many other reviewers here do, but take this review as a warning that it's no guarantee. I was lost, perplexed, and bored out of my mind by this movie, and I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. If it's a parody of some genre I've never seen or heard of maybe that would make sense (and no, I don't feel like it's a crime film or film noir parody, and if it was intended to be, I think it failed, because I've seen many of them and couldn't find much that was exactly being 'parodied' here).

This film's existence baffles me, but I guess it's found some sort of audience somehow so what do I know?
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