The Conqueror (1956)
3/10
If this is a real representation of history, God must have been in a silly mood in the 12th century!
21 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
If this was the Mongolian BBQ of John Wayne's career, it was filled with rancid tartar sauce for Susan Hayward. This goes down in film history as probably the dumbest of historical epics, but one with a sad PostScript gangs to the location where it was shocked. This was made at the tail end of RKO radios reign as one of the Hollywood major studios, and during the Howard Hughes era, the studio had its share of disasters. If you view this as a cartoon, you might find it amusing because it is indeed extremely funny albeit in a tacky way.

it's no wonder that John Wayne was never cast as Charlie Chan because he looks absolutely ridiculous in his Fu Manchu mustache with his eyes altered to appear Asian. He's the future emperor Genghis Khan, kidnapping Susan Hayward who is Believe it or not the daughter of a tartan King whom he molests and forces to be his bride. Somehow, however, she falls in love with him, and it's probably one of the most unbelievable romances in film history. There's Pedro Armendáriz, William Conrad, Leon Van Cleef and Thomas Gomez looking absolutely ridiculous as well, and Agnes Moorehead's disapproving mother of Wayne is basically an Asian version of Endora. She is giving the most ridiculous looking wardrobe and her eyes are indicating that she's wondering how she got messed up in this mess.

This film has so many silly moments that you document to them would be a movie in itself. There is of course is the obligatory dance sequence that indicates that Hayward, while talented in many ways, was not a Terpsiqourie. in addition to the silly looking costumes, some of the sets are outlandish, particularly part of the caravan following Hayward on her way to be patrols. This contraption looks like a giant powder puff container.

Unfortunately, a good majority of the cast and crew were afflicted with cancer due to military tests near by the sets. I'm sure when they were diagnosed and realize what they were doing when this occurred made the bad memory of it all the more infuriating. At least nobody has to sing like Desi Arnaz Jr.and Zero Mostel would do two decades later in the musical about Genghis's grandson Kublai and his meeting with Marco Polo. You're better off with the still mediocre 1965 film about Genghis Khan starring Omar Sharif. Still, this is laughably fun, and in spite of being ridiculously bad, it is certainly never boring.
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