4/10
Meandering Mess Gets Stranded in it's own Runtime
25 June 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Set in the 1800's, a family fleeing unrest in their home country seeks refuge in a new land. Their plans are altered when their ship is attacked by pirates and the crew flee, stranding the family in the wreck. The ship seems stable enough, should they stay? There's an island nearby, but how safe is it really? Is it even an island, is help coming, or are they on their own?

There are going to be some hefty spoilers in this review so if you haven't seen this one yet just know that there's some really cool stuff in the movie, but there's an equal amount of things about it that just might aggravate even the easiest to please viewer.

The coolest part of this movie doesn't really have to do with the story or characters, no, the real star of this show is the amazing, gigantic, hodgepodge-mansion of a tree house the family builds. Seriously, as a kid I would have dreams about this thing. It's functional and fanciful, dangerous yet homey. So if forts and tree-houses are your jam, then this movie might get a recommendation on this aspect alone.

But if you are more focused on things like character and story, well, here is where things become mixed. Half the characters exist simply to complicate the plot. For example, the brothers rescue an annoying young boy, BUT WAIT, that's no young boy, remove his hat and it's a fully grown woman! Immediately AND I MEAN IMMEDIATELY the brothers snap from wanting to sock the kid in the mouth to wanting to woo her, simply because of the removal of a hat. She then proceeds to spend the rest of the movie gleefully pitting the brothers against each other, resulting in lots of shouting, scuffling, and glowering between the brothers. This is just one example of just how shockingly bad the writing and character development can be, which is frustrating because the overall plot is a lethal game of tower defense meets home alone style traps against waves and waves of pirates. Why did this movie need a love triangle? Oh wait. It didn't.

There are much more interesting character threads that are hinted at but never explored.

The father is wracked with guilt, taking the weight of their situation upon himself as he made the choice to leave the country in the first place. This potential character arc is never fleshed out.

The mother struggles as the only female on the island, fluctuating between her new role as co-leader of her own new world and her Victorian role of no-fun subservient stereotype. There's a real conflict here just itching to be explored. This potential character arc is never fleshed out.

Instead we get to spend just under an hour of the running time, not doing cool tree-house things, not developing characters, but watching two brothers squabble over a girl they only just met and mistook for a boy. Really.

The old school effects are alright. The matte paintings are nice, but clash with little things like wind direction and ocean wave movement. The stunts are OK, but things like boulders bouncing like rubber balls off pirate heads and tree trunks bending like rubber snakes instead of steamrolling people as they are supposed to really undercut any tension the movie may have. The violence in general is pretty tame, the effects don't help. Other Disney films of this era have way better effects, see Mary Poppins or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Don't get me wrong, the effects in Swiss Family Robinson are serviceable, they just haven't aged well at all.

Musically, the score is orchestral and very old-school Hollywood. To modern sensibilities though, it may come off as though it is trying very hard to be emotionally manipulative.

Should you see Swiss Family Robinson? If you love forts, tree-houses, and tales of survival with a dash of mischief and pirates mixed in for good measure. This might just be a good pick for your next family movie night. If outright aggravating characters, a long, slow runtime, a vestigial love triangle, and mediocre practical effects get you down; you might want to sail away from this island at full speed!

-Josh Evans
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