Don't Drink the Water (1994 TV Movie)
5/10
I drunk the water, I'm still thirsty...
28 November 2020
Even as a TV movie, "Don't Drink the Water" still moves below the usual standards of a Woody Allen film though it contains enough laughs not to completely dismiss it.

The film was released the same year of his more successful "Bullets Over Broadway", a period comedy that earned him his second nomination for Best Director and I guess he didn't invest much energy on that one. He made a TV version of the very play he wrote in 1966 and whose film adaptation with Jackie Gleason and Estelle Parsons didn't please him, I didn't see the original but I doubt this one is much of an improvement.

It's a pity because the film benefits from a good cast, a script that has proven itself successful, but I guess the stage makes confusion and chaos somewhat more acceptable than the screen. It's not that the plot was confusing but there were many moments where I just felt the embassy was overcrowded and I felt more relief during these little quiet moments between Michael J. Fox and Mayim Balik and one cute tender interaction between Allen and Julie Kavner who do have an interesting marital chemistry.

The plot revolves around a family of American tourist, the Hollanders, who seek refuge in an American Embassy somewhere in the other side of the Iron Curtain, after being suspected as spies, we're at the midst of the Cold War the same year than the missile crisis. The introduction presents the context and the key characters especially Axel McGee (Fox), a well-meaning young man but with the reputation of a blubbering idiot. That's one of the film's first flaws as we have no real proof of his incompetence and Fox is such a likable actor that we can't label him as an imbecile even if that's a script requirement.

But once each player is introduced, the Hollanders such a spectacular intrusion that there was no room for anything else. They literally sucked out the comedic potential off everything and were so annoying that I was wondering whether the plot wouldn't have been more interesting had they been captured by the Russians or whoever they were. The film overplays the fish out of water element by throwing subplots such as the foreign food (the chef seems incapable to cook normal meals) or the romance that interferes with the parent's plans, Dom De Luise is a funny priest who indulges in lame magic tricks that fail and the entrance of a sheik with a cohort of black-clad wives inspire a few dated jokes, leading to an escape trick we could see coming even if we were wearing their veils.

I don't mind Woody Allen playing his old shtick in movies but it's made at the expenses of a plot that doesn't leave much room to political satire, maybe the material was too dated and screwball comedy doesn't exactly work with the format of 90s TV. There's energy in the film, especially with that clarinet tune that sounds as if Bernard Herrmann played a Yidish version of the Wicked Witch theme and from the tune, I was expecting something modest but exceptional. I feel guilty to reject a film that tries its best to entertain through the reactions of an ordinary American family caught in the middle of a political crisis they don't care about, but politics are such a tricky but interesting subject that it's unfortunate that the film only indulge in gags that are too benign even by 60s standards.

"Don't Drink the Water" (whatever the title means) is one of these small mistakes a director of Allen's caliber can make, we see it out of curiosity and we reject it out of frustration.
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