Review of Brazen

Brazen (2022)
1/10
terrible
14 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
First, I want to say it's very unfair that so many of the negative reviews for this movie are based on the lead actor's personal politics, because the reality is this movie deserves to be judged on just how truly awful it is and we can also be pretty sure the people who hate Milano didn't watch the movie to begin with.

What this movie does is give some wooden acting and cheap production and direction to an already cliched and unoriginal story by a pretty mediocre romance novelist. Everything about this plot is cookie cutter. I had to hold back the laughter when Grace was talking to the detectives and said one of the suspects was her former brother-in-law, Jonathan Breezewood "the third." "He's a bigshot attorney," Grace said. Keep in mind, this character is supposed to be a famous author herself. What self-respecting writer would use such a hackneyed phrase?

So the murdered sister was a teacher who had a secret second job as a webcam model. Gee, how original. And her ex-husband whom she was in a custody battle with was a suspect. Again, snore. And then of course one of her students who was a slightly awkward literature nerd happened to have a special interest in her. Is this a movie script or a mad libs exercise?

One of my favorite scenes (before I got too bored to keep watching) was when the detectives went to visit the corporate office of the website she was modeling on and meet with the CEO to ask questions about her clients. First, let's acknowledge how stupid it is that the OnlyFans-like website she was using just happens to be headquartered in the same town she lived in. Now add on how stupid it is that detectives would talk to a corporate executive to try to get information about who the woman's subscribers (which the movie calls clients) were. This is simply not how an investigation like this would work at all in the real world. They would most likely have to subpoena that information or at the very least get it from a low-level security employee, not the CEO. It's how a very simple-minded or purely unmotivated person would write it though. And the best part of the scene is that the CEO's office walls are covered in giant TVs that are supposed to be showing a bunch of different models live streaming, but if you look for even a second you'll realize all the screens are showing the same 10-second loops over and over again. Do they really think the CEO of OnlyFans has dozens of screens streaming porn going on at all times in their office?

I rarely stop a movie after I've started it, but this one was just trash. It doesn't even have the cheesy, campy entertainment factor of similar Lifetime and Hallmark movies. It's just a dreary, stupid, pointless waste of time.
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