Didn't Shakin' Stevens once sing, "Green cellar door, what's that secret you're keeping?"
Let's see what old Shakin' Stevens is hiding behind that green door, shall we?
Movie starts off with what sounds like Catherine Martin making those exact same wailing noises while being locked up in Pinhead's personal cubby house down in what's-his-name's basement.
She then lets off a Corey Taylor-like yodel. You know the one? Right before the People = Manure song kicks off? Do I have to spell it out? Track 1 on the Iowa album near the end.
Whoever's filming this needs to keep the camera still. Unless they were inspired by an episode of N. Y. P. D. then this cameraman is all over the shop and giving me a seizure.
Catherine Martin seems distressed that there's implements from the movie 'Seven' surrounding her and comes to realize that a mouth gag is censoring her pleas for help so she's motivated to break free like Queen as The Pajama Breakfast Cereal Killer is upstairs eating his Wheaties in his jarmies.
She escapes hell this time and surfaces to the light and transitions into Jessica Biel for a moment like a 'Star Wars' shape shifter. Feeling all nostalgic she runs down to where they filmed 'Grease' and is run over and recaptured by The Pajama Breakfast Cereal Killer who then kills in broad daylight. Man, this was no time for sightseeing, lady!
This guy made burying a body look easy - he done it in world record time in under 5 seconds and even broke a personal PB in the process.
So, the movie covers B. T. K.'s favorite part about serial killing - the coveting part. The hunt. Supposedly they got more thrills out of hunting, stalking, and selecting their next victim than actually killing them I've read somewhere.
The Pajama Cereal Killer picks up his next victim by spying her on sale in Ralph's, or Dollar Store? Is that Fallon Bowman from the band Kittie? After 3 days of being abducted Fallon is still sporting fresh foundation and glossy lipstick. She's kept in a crate chamber fortified with mattress wire and nails. It's a DYI project. Must have been paying attention to all those free-to-air TV shows? He sure as hell didn't build this from products purchased at Lowe's either. Must had got second rate equipment from flea markets, or something?
There's no explanation for why the Pajama Killer keeps complete strangers as pets. Guess he's just a regular Mr. Rogers with an identity crisis? One minute he's Gomer Pyle, then next he's Barney Fife, and then he can be Leonard from 'Full Metal Jacket?' I dunno. It's all a complicated process like Dahmer said. One doesn't just become a nut bag overnight.
In my professional analysis The Breakfast Cereal Killer is probably just a stay-at-home-mom sort and has no hobbies other than keeping people against their will?
Two Mormons show up preaching Scientology and it's almost a comedy with their demise as is the end when Fallon Bowman is finally freed and dons a wedding dress and the movie loses both its bowels and credibility.
I originally gave this indie movie 5 out of 10.
5/10 is my "I don't like it; I don't hate it" rating system. But I'll give it an extra point for being better than Disney's current 'Kenobi' crap. Also an additional bonus point for being better than the worst movie in history - 'After Last Season.' (I'm in a giving mood today.)
So, 7/10 overall.
P. S. Why'd they use the 'Halloween 4' score in the trailer for?
Movie starts off with what sounds like Catherine Martin making those exact same wailing noises while being locked up in Pinhead's personal cubby house down in what's-his-name's basement.
She then lets off a Corey Taylor-like yodel. You know the one? Right before the People = Manure song kicks off? Do I have to spell it out? Track 1 on the Iowa album near the end.
Whoever's filming this needs to keep the camera still. Unless they were inspired by an episode of N. Y. P. D. then this cameraman is all over the shop and giving me a seizure.
Catherine Martin seems distressed that there's implements from the movie 'Seven' surrounding her and comes to realize that a mouth gag is censoring her pleas for help so she's motivated to break free like Queen as The Pajama Breakfast Cereal Killer is upstairs eating his Wheaties in his jarmies.
She escapes hell this time and surfaces to the light and transitions into Jessica Biel for a moment like a 'Star Wars' shape shifter. Feeling all nostalgic she runs down to where they filmed 'Grease' and is run over and recaptured by The Pajama Breakfast Cereal Killer who then kills in broad daylight. Man, this was no time for sightseeing, lady!
This guy made burying a body look easy - he done it in world record time in under 5 seconds and even broke a personal PB in the process.
So, the movie covers B. T. K.'s favorite part about serial killing - the coveting part. The hunt. Supposedly they got more thrills out of hunting, stalking, and selecting their next victim than actually killing them I've read somewhere.
The Pajama Cereal Killer picks up his next victim by spying her on sale in Ralph's, or Dollar Store? Is that Fallon Bowman from the band Kittie? After 3 days of being abducted Fallon is still sporting fresh foundation and glossy lipstick. She's kept in a crate chamber fortified with mattress wire and nails. It's a DYI project. Must have been paying attention to all those free-to-air TV shows? He sure as hell didn't build this from products purchased at Lowe's either. Must had got second rate equipment from flea markets, or something?
There's no explanation for why the Pajama Killer keeps complete strangers as pets. Guess he's just a regular Mr. Rogers with an identity crisis? One minute he's Gomer Pyle, then next he's Barney Fife, and then he can be Leonard from 'Full Metal Jacket?' I dunno. It's all a complicated process like Dahmer said. One doesn't just become a nut bag overnight.
In my professional analysis The Breakfast Cereal Killer is probably just a stay-at-home-mom sort and has no hobbies other than keeping people against their will?
Two Mormons show up preaching Scientology and it's almost a comedy with their demise as is the end when Fallon Bowman is finally freed and dons a wedding dress and the movie loses both its bowels and credibility.
I originally gave this indie movie 5 out of 10.
5/10 is my "I don't like it; I don't hate it" rating system. But I'll give it an extra point for being better than Disney's current 'Kenobi' crap. Also an additional bonus point for being better than the worst movie in history - 'After Last Season.' (I'm in a giving mood today.)
So, 7/10 overall.
P. S. Why'd they use the 'Halloween 4' score in the trailer for?