Portals (2019)
1/10
Few things to be aware of...
23 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This is an anthology movie, not an actual movie. It's 4 different short films connected based on the overall story of "Alien portals suddenly appear on Earth".

They are all terrible but hilariously they each had potential in their own way but each totally botch their stories. The first "opening" I wouldn't count as a movie. It's about a minute long of very generic 911 calls. "There's something strange." "My neighbour is walking towards some weird thing" etc. Very generic and very boring. There's also an interconnecting voice over by a radio DJ who explains all the exposition...which usually is then fully repeated in the next scene anyway.

1. Is based on an interesting concept. It's during the "invasion' part of the story. A group of kids are in a test when suddenly the invasion starts with all their phones locked in a cupboard. All the phones start ringing one after the other. You can hear sirens going off in the distance. Helicopters. Military jets screaming by overhead. The teacher refuses to let them answer their ringing phones and it's interesting...but then it keeps going. And keeps going. Eventually the teacher leaves them and you think that's it... Then it keeps going. The whole plot suddenly is about an emo girl who...I think it's non-binary? Trans? They never confirm it. They just get upset at being called a girl...so upset that they murder two people. Well, this after first attempting to commit suicide by jumping into a portal that appears outside their classroom. If feels like they were trying to be pro-LGBT but they really fumbled the ball by both showing that the kid wants to commit suicide for being trans and then murdering two people for misgendering them. Also sexually assaults a girl before killing the two people. It's incredibly weird.

2. An interesting but stupider idea. It is weeks after the invasion. Millions of these alien portals(called "doors") have opened. Millions of people are gone and only a few have mysteriously returned (this is never covered again). So all the nations want to study the doors so are now sending volunteers into the doors, even though the millions of people who went in only a handful returned and were "different". This is the most "artsy" of the shorts. Characters stand and stare at rocks and read poetry in their inner monologues. The three "knockers" finally go into one of the doors, the three immediately separate so each of them can have a "vision". It's a couple and some random guy though, so his vision seems totally pointless because we know nothing about him. We keep following the girl until eventually she stumbled on her boyfriend's vision where there are 3 copies of him. She deliberately kills her boyfriend so she can spend time with one of the copies she prefers inside the "door".

3. A guy finds a portal in the woods. Learns to talk to it in 4 days with a speaker system even though the whole world couldn't in 100 days. Becomes friends with it. Invites the girl he has a crush on to look at it, she for some reason brings her boyfriend and that makes him sad. The boyfriend calls the cops for him not declaring the portal, cop shows up, just randomly goes crazy and shoots people then the portal snaps his neck because suddenly they have telekinetic powers. I think it's meant to be an anti-police section but it comes out of nowhere and goes away within seconds.

4. The radio DJ I mentioned earlier is a full blown conspiracy theorist. Invites a Doctor onto his podcast to talk about it and the performance of the Doctor is a highlight as the worst thing I've ever seen. He's meant to have gone insane. It's just mesmerising with how bad it is. The Doctor then scolds the DJ for being a conspiracy theorist and exploiting people for views and then mind controls him out of nowhere and makes him strip. Then the movie ends.

It's such a bizarrely bad movie. It's not funny. It's tonally all over the place because of the different directors managing the different shorts.

Oddly the one theme I saw was cuckolding. First part, the "girl" is upset the "hot girl" she wants is with the only male. The only male then gets upset when the "girl" kisses his possible girlfriend and seems to let it happen. The second, the girlfriend knowingly kills her boyfriend to live with a better hallucinated version of him. The third the man invites his crush to see his portal and she brings her boyfriend which makes him depressed. Then when he gets closer to her, the boyfriend reports them to the police.

It's a weird through line.
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