Review of Christmas on Mistletoe Farm

Every year, I watch what I anticipate to be the worst Holiday movies of the season, and play a fun little game where they earn points based on how tropey and cringey they are. This one blew every movie I have ever watched out of the water. The acting? Phenomenal(ly terrible). The costuming? I think the design team just picked up a pattern book that said "World's Ugliest Crochet" and went with it, zero further thought. The hoe-down country bedazzle/on and off queer-coding of some characters? CHEF'S KISS. I believe in gentle parenting and am generally a patient and peaceful person, but this movie made me think if I were in the protagonists' shoes I would do my best to reinstate capital punishment for that village. Every single turn in the plot somehow takes you to a more nightmarish destination than you were before. I was actually filled with rage. It was so beautiful. I'm crying.