Kid Millions (1934)
2/10
Is this a kids' film?
14 December 2022
That's an actual question. I watched this with an ever growing sense of confusion and disbelief. I was expecting a musical comedy but instead got this.

It's not so much a motion picture, more of a series of unmemorable song and dance routines strung together with just the merest hint of a plot. As such, the so-called plot isn't meant to be taken seriously, the actors are not really characters - they're essentially just acts doing their turns so this simply isn't a proper movie. You can't engage with it, you just want it to end.

Although not as brain-dissolvingly awful of Cantor's 'first' film, 'Whoopee', which is essentially a filmed stage show, this is not recommended viewing; it's a very, very long hour and a half.

What this film was trying to do was offer a bit of 1920s nostalgia to the Depression weary audiences of 1930s with some old fashioned Vaudeville from the good old days. At the time, this was not a bad idea because it was financially very successful. Today however since none of us harbour fond memories of the twenties, this simply does not work for us.

Eddie Cantor, although portraying someone who would these days receive some sort of treatment or intervention, is pleasant enough but unlike with 'Roman Scandals' or 'Palmy Days' (which are honestly pretty good), he and indeed this whole motion picture is neither funny or entertaining. The humour is excruciatingly infantile; reminiscent of the sort of children's pantomime you occasionally have to suffer that stars someone off the TV whom you thought had died years ago.

Strangely, it looks like a big budget has been blown on this - the sets are impressive (although the designers had clearly never been to Egypt or possibly even knew where it was) and the last scene, which is very Willy Wonka, using the brand-new Technicolour is.....expensive looking. None of this makes this film any better though.

Another reason why this is so poor is related to the fact that this was made just after that sweet Mr Breen from the National League of Decency had enforced The Production Code. It is likely that Goldwyn thought that since they'd have to get rid of any spicy jokes and saucy lines and ensure the Goldwyn Girls were now respectably dressed, they'd make this movie more of a child-friendly family film? You'd have to bribe a child these days to get it to sit through this drivel. What is curious is that by 1934 audiences were quite sophisticated so why did they flock in their droves to see this? Prohibition had just been repealed so maybe they were all drunk?
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