Poseidon Rex (2013)
5/10
Giddily heedless, indifferent, & built strictly for silly fun - like it or not
1 February 2023
Just right into it! Not even four minutes in and the plot has already begun as we meet the person who will become our protagonist, and we get our first glimpse of the titular beast. Add in many women wearing only bikinis or little more, the introduction of some forgettable characters who are only meant to die off, and an immediate plot point that raises skepticism, all within the first ten minutes, and we are guaranteed a wild ride of one sort or another. Exposition, plot development, and the introduction of all these characters are as brisk and brusque as Mark L. Lester's direction, Daniel Duncan's editing, and the acting - politely declining any especial tact or nuance in any regard. None of this is inherently bad, not even the most meager instances of the acting. I don't even mind the plainly ingenuine CGI monster that doesn't blend well with its background, the carelessness and inauthenticity with which action sequences are executed, or curt, questionable dialogue and delivery. And why don't I mind? Because it's readily evident that 'Poseidon rex' doesn't care. It just wants to have a silly good time with the nonsense that writer Rafael Jordan cooked up, one part adventure and one part comedy, and if other folks want to come along for the ride, good for them.

Good on Lester and his cast and crew for filming on location in Belize; it's nice to know that at least not all the underwater footage we get is stock. The CGI looks better at some points more than others, though mostly it's definitely on the low end of the spectrum in various ways. The scene writing, and Lester's direction to realize it, are distinctly unbothered, sometimes giving the impression of not even trying and at others being weirdly inconsistent within a single scene. I'm not sure if it's just fine for criminal Tariq and his gang to be walking stereotypes, considering the comedic edge (whether it's successful or not), or just inappropriate regardless. Christopher Cano's score is mostly unexceptional, but still well done and enjoyable; on the other hand, it's hard to miss the repetition of one specific song in the soundtrack three times within the first thirty minutes. Oh, and of course a romantic element is introduced that, like many movie romances, is totally contrived. And so on, and so on; to break this down piece by tiny piece would take far longer than I care to entertain.

It's a good thing that 'Poseidon rex' is geared for a cheeky, unserious romp instead of an earnest action-adventure creature feature, because it certainly couldn't be acceptable under any other circumstances. With all this having been said: every last aspect of the picture is approached with emphatic carefree heedlessness - truly, everyone involved just wanted to have fun, and did so, regardless of how it all looked in the final cut. And there's nothing wrong with that! But still, the absolute indifference of how this or that looked does wear thin after a while. If that ethos weren't so solidly pervasive, if anyone had at any point decided to inject even a tinge of sincerity into their contribution, this probably would have had a better chance at favorable reception. Although, on the other hand, had anyone tried, the effort would surely have come off as overzealous just by comparison. Anyway, it seems like the feature leans especially hard into its humor within the last twenty minutes or so, and thus it at least has a (relatively) strong finish.

I don't know if it's just because they're the stars, but Brian Krause and Anne McDaniels sure seem to be having the biggest blast of all. Coming in at a close second are those who in the last act portray military personnel. And me? What can I say, sometimes one just wants a title that's totally frivolous. For what it's worth, this is actually better than I expected, thanks simply to the unremitting abandon of all sense of restraint, and for that it's also significantly more enjoyable, too. Yes, of course this will actually appeal to only a very select type of viewer, they who are open to all the wide possibilities of what cinema has to offer no matter how ludicrous in concept or execution. But to my surprise I actually had a good time watching, and that's something that even some major studio fare can't claim. Even if you think you know what you're getting into you're likely still in for an eye-opener, yet if you're prepared to engage with the film on its level, 'Poseidon rex' is a wonderfully insipid way to whittle away eighty minutes.
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