Sonic Colors: Ultimate (2021 Video Game)
2/10
From Mediocre to Dogmeat
17 July 2023
Sonic Colors by every metric was already a mediocre game that shares many design aspects with Sonic Forces. It pads itself out terribly with 5 acts per area, even more than Sonic 1. And each act progressively gets worse and worse in quality, some straight-up copy/pasting level geometry from previous acts in the same zone or being straight-up straight-lines, for the worst of it. Don't get me started on the boring as hell auto-scrolling spring levels. Often later acts are made up largely of blocky, boring 2D level design that hold no relevance to the themes of the stage. Top all of this off with a story that pre-schoolers couldn't find funny and dialogue written by people who had 0 experience with the entire Sonic franchise and you have an amazing example of the most obsolete, mundane "3D" Sonic game that had existed up to the point of 2010, where characters feel out-of-character and the gameplay loop is done more than marginally better elsewhere, unimpeded by an infantile wisp gimmick during boost gameplay stages, like in Unleashed, Generations, or Rush.

Now take everything I just said which applies to the original Wii version of Sonic Colors and make it completely dysfunctional at launch, has near-epilepsy inducing visual bugs, broken gameplay, stuttering pre-rendered cutscenes, audio bugs, ugly graphics in general compared to the original standard definition release, and BOOM BABY, you have got yourself a recipe for the most hilariously disastrous port just about ever. The leniency this release has gotten by Sonic fans and critics alike is a telling sign of just how standard this kind of trash is for the modern game industry, and it's a joke and a half that this game's got a higher score than Sonic 06 or Black Knight.
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