The X-Files: Paper Hearts (1996)
Season 4, Episode 10
2/10
An Interesting Idea for Another TV Show, But a Silly One for The X-Files
9 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I started watching the X-Files from when it premiered, it had the 9 o'clock slot after Brisco County Jr. At 8. But after all these years, I really don't remember much of anything concerning specific episodes, it has been too long and I was too young. However, this episode was one of the few I did remember the ending of. Fortunately that didn't spoil a thing for me, BECAUSE THE STORY IS NONSENSICAL AND YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN THE ENTIRE WAY.

One just really has to question the concern and craft the showrunner had to allow this story to air. It's an unquestionable indictment of the show makers' total lack of concern for what they threw up there on the screen. This is a show about a big, silly, stupid alien conspiracy, that's what they went with, it's long ago decided, and part of all that silliness is that Fox Mulder's sister got abducted by aliens as collateral to ensure the cooperation of the Syndicate, the human collaborators. We know this happened, because even the Syndicate admitted it to us. They filled in all the blanks too: Bill Mulder was a founding member of this shadowy organization designed to handle the transition to an alien invasion where they rule over the remaining humans as slaves, with their Men in Black helpers at the top of this lesser social order.

Meanwhile Fox himself found a farm run by clones of his sister. Yup, clones, literal clones, of his sister. He didn't get evidence of it, he found it, he was there, he spent time with a clone. The mystery is LONG over.

But now maybe this serial killer did it. Hey why not?

Meanwhile Mulder is a ridiculous dope the entire episode, and the writers have literally no concern for providing us any sense of reality. Mulder running around crazed, cutting into a guy's car with a knife (literally illegal, it's silly, but really takes you out of the episode because it's absurd behavior that only comes from a TV "cop"), and then he "checks" the serial murderer out of prison? To take a commercial flight with him as his guard, and him alone. I was rolling on the floor laughing. Yeah, next Scully and Charlie Manson will take a day trip alone to San Bernardino Mountains so he can show her where he hid the bodies of the original Brady Bunch. She'll probably even let Charlie pack their picnic lunch.

It's not gripping, it's cartoonish. And people are giving this a 10 out of 10? Yeah this and the better episodes of Inspector Gadget really compete for greatest episode of a crime drama ever! Bwahahaha!

And then guess what happens next? ...HE GETS AWAY! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, you know the guy with a life sentence for raping and murdering 16 little girls, yeah, he managed to slip out of the Motel 6 one sleeping FBI agent was securing him in. AAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh my God, Barney Fife would pistol whip Mulder for incompetence. So yeah, the rapist/murderer, he quickly abducts a little girl using Mulder's FBI credentials, and now Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and 20 other agents have to manhunt him down before it's too late. Fox manages to save her, I don't know before he raped her or not, but she's going to have PTSD for the rest of her life either way. Her life is destroyed. There's literally no way Fox Mulder COULDN'T be fired after this.

Yes this episode is terrible, yes it's insulting stupid, yes it's directly contradictory to everything established in previous episodes, but really it's the total lack of respect the creators have for their audience that earns this episode my charitable rating of 2/10. And this is one of those episodes where you really have to look at the people giving it 10/10 and go, why are you here? You don't deserve to be here wasting other people's time with your trolling ratings. They should be deleted, truly.
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