Blood Sisters (1987)
1/10
Hazing Garbage
2 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Strange start to the movie, which sees a seven-year-old boy propositioning a fellow student.

Failing to reach a fair price, she shames him by name-calling.

The filthy-minded child lives in a bordello and is surrounded by economy-looking heavy sets.

With no homework to do, the child pulls out a shotgun, and it's pointed and discharged. We jump 13 years later.

Oh, not more of this Capa Gamma Greek-inspired frat house pledging business. It's so 80s.

Do they even practice this anymore today?

Wow, who likes watching rich kids party in their exclusive worlds that are funded by their parents?

A good 10-15 minutes is wasted on this to rub their white privileged ways in the viewers faces to prove how unlikeable any character is.

The only one I'm sympathetic to is the nerdy chick wearing glasses.

You have to wonder why this used TV salesman, Larry, is hanging around these teens who are twice as young as him.

A silly hazing ritual sees a bunch of sorority pledges set up to stay the night in a rundown bordello and stop right there around the 24-minute mark.

The ghost of a 400-pound escort graces the screen - she's a zero - and this is the same effect employed in Linda Blair's 'Hell Night.' It must have been new-wave technology at the time.

The girls must survive a bordello rigged with fake props and cheap jump scares in order to make the cut and prove themselves worthy of advancing in this exclusive Greek American tribe of snobs.

Why go through these childish antics when you can just join the boy scouts or girl guides?

They roam around the house in a scavenger hunt searching for required treasures, and the movie's in need of an energy drink or adrenalin shot as it's very immature and ho-hum.

Flashbacks keep occurring about the madams of the house, and they're all byproducts of Hagar the Horrible. Not a decent one among 'em.

A possessed nightie turns one girl into Kate Bush in a scene of sensuality.

This is just the idea of rich kids having fun in their white-lily world.

I never attended college or joined any pledges, so I can't associate with or gravitate to this environment. What do I care?

I'd almost recommend you watch 'Bikini Girls on Ice' but that's painful in itself.

Um, 'The Initiation' is a better recommendation, but not that reimaging trash.

The girls continue to scavenge even though they've been informed that it's all just a hoax, but then the real murders start taking place in a Boy Who Cried Wolf manner.

The second prettiest girl dies first: Cara. I'm not so sure about that frozen surfboard look on her face, though. "You better wipe that bad look off your face, Creed." Apparently the deviant boy from the start is inside the house with them and not playing to the script.

Not that it's related, but I had a dream the other night where these decayed entities said to me, "Are you going to play with us or are we going to play with you?" I'm an hour into this and have had my fill.

Once I lose interest in a movie, then my reviews start to suffer as a consequence.

This does nothing for me.

I think the chick I'm cheering for is called Bonnie. At least she's down to earth and not uptight and stuck up like the other robots. They're really not likeable characters.

The girls slowly realize the danger is real and immanent, so one soldier braves the elements and decides to hotfoot it cross-country to the highway for help.

She's stalked by what looks like Crazy Fat Ethal from that 'Criminally Insane' movie, but manages to outrun her and eventually brings the fuzz back while everyone else has been murdered by now.

Tom Petty sang about free falling - that's how the one I was cheering for dies.

It turns out the killer is Bug from 'Uncle Buck,' and he has a fetish for wearing women's lingerie and has held his childhood proposition grudge all this time.

I always get this director mixed up with Rachel Talalay and Kathryn Bigelow.

Do yourself a favor and watch one of their movies instead.

Although watching the bonus features of 'Blood Sisters,' Findlay seemed like a nice enough person and down to earth.

I'm surprised a female director used a lot of female sleaze in her movie.

That's generally reserved for slobs like: Never mind.

Boy, the horror genre is sure ball and chained by a lot of junk it has to carry on its shoulders.
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