The Marvels (2023)
1/10
Lower, Further, Slower
23 December 2023
This film is somehow way more depressing and worse than Ant Man Quantumania. We honestly thought Eternals was bad, but that was only the beginning. It was only going to go downhill from there.

Watching this movie felt like watching a beloved friend in a coma fighting for her life. It was sad, frustrating and ultimately hopeless. So much potential squandered right before our very eyes.

Much has been said about the Girl Power aspect of this story, but it doesn't mean jack when the characters are so thinly written. After the big character tension build up between Carol and Monica, with the latter resenting her for not coming back, their fractures mend themselves very quickly. There is no chemistry between the the two at all.

The villain is Bland with a capitol B, and highly forgettable.

Nick Fury is actually pathetic in this movie. He doesn't at all act like the Fury we know and love. He was more in character in Far From Home when Talos was impersonating him!

I don't think I've ever had this much of a bad experience with a film since Cats. And it is telling that there actually features a ludicrous scene involving baby flerkens and the song Memory.

What the actual hell, Marvel?

The only good thing is that it is mercifully short, and Iman Vellani does seem to be enjoying herself in the role.

Once a great studio, brought crumbling down on itself. If I could give it zero stars, I would.
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