Review of The Vals

The Vals (1983)
7/10
Right Girls, wrong valley
20 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
The movie opens with the girls struggling through Hamlet and then ditch class as the teacher gets carried away reciting Hamlet with his plaster skull. The girls take off in Trish's Mercedes 450 to her house all the while driving on a road that looks like Mulholland Drive before arriving at the mansion (in the Morada district of Stockton). What a confusing driving sequence that was!!

The majority of the film was produced in and around Stockton, California so that's why I said "wrong valley". Another scene where Albert leaves the mall and hitches a ride from a random passerby shows the girls merging on what appears to be CA 134, part of the Ventura Freeway corridor. People viewing this movie today would be alarmed about 2 of the girls riding up on the boot of the convertible top while zipping down the freeway... and forgetting to shut off the left turn signal.

Maybe someone could chime in on the locations of the driving scenes at the start of the movie... in particular the curvy road that looks a lot like Mulholland Dr. And the CA 134 "freeway entrance" sign which is seen when the girls follow Albert and his driver.

As others have said, the mall scenes were shot in Weberstown Mall which is smack dab in Stockton and no where near the San Fernando Valley.

Another scene that I'm not clear on the location would be the cemetery where the drug dealers told the girls to show up at.

We also see the girls sparring with the ones from Beverly Hills (Julie has more vocal fry than most Valley Girls, fer sure!). So let's go over the cast briefly.

Trish - the blonde one. Her father, played by Chuck Connors is a Producer. And he's producing a dubious show called The Boom Boom Girls. Trish's mother (who also co-wrote the script) is at odds with Chuck because he's always out and busy with his show.

Annie is the "loose" Val that is living with Sam until her parents get back together.

Samantha is more or less the "leader" of the pack who has a horse and her mother, Beth's mother, and Trish's father are having a blast snorting rails.

Beth is the goofy and fun loving val (my favorite of the bunch) that drives an orange patinaed Volkswagen Beetle convertible.

A few other actors needing some $ are Sonny Bono who plays a "spaced out musician" and John Carradine who plays a man that runs a 'this close to bankrupt' orphanage.

The drug dealers, Stone and Lance... both appear tough until Trish's boyfriend, Keith, beats up both of them at the impound lot towards the end of the movie.

Keith has blonde hair and looks more or less like a life sized Ken doll.

Also included is a 'moon' scene involving David, the king of the Beer Bongers, a goofy security guard that makes Barney Fife look like Patton, MIke, the tall one that runs the Beer Bongers frat house, and that one guy with the goofy "Groucho Marx" mask that Sam rapidly dismisses at the frat party.

At the jail, one of the hookers begins to harass the vals and almost using the line verbatim from the song Valley Girl (cleaning the cat box). The harassing hooker also had a southern accent and it amongst all of the val speak heard in the movie stands outs like a sore thumb. Maybe she lived in Merced, Madera, Fairmead, or something ;).

How did I come across this movie? By freak accident. I spotted The Vals in a video store sitting on a shelf in the $1 rental section and since I kinda knew what Valley Girls were, I was curious. Finding the film is rather tricky nowadays. Hopefully someone will obtain the rights to this film and put this on digital format.
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