Dark Minds (2012– )
1/10
Ego trip by completely unqualified author
6 April 2024
Sometimes a television show comes along that is so very bad that not only do you want to smash your television, you want to have the electricity supply cut off from your house so you never have a reason to buy another television. Well look no further. Dark Minds is that show. Let me save you the torture of watching it by giving you a quick synopsis.

Book author with annoying tuft of hair below his bottom lip and absolutely no qualifications for investigating crime decides he can solve unsolved murders, some from 40 years ago.

Author interviews actual police and detectives and tells them what they have been doing wrong. They smile politely so that they get to watch themselves on TV with their families later on, then no doubt ridicule the guy as soon as the cameras are switched off.

Incarcerated serial killer (who we all secretly suspect is a paid actor) has the code name 'Thirteen', presumably based on the IQ of the person who decided that making this television show was a good idea.

'Thirteen', when given a case file for a victim who was stabbed 76 times, 'ummms' and 'ahhhs' for a short while and then offers pearls of wisdom such as 'I think your guy likes stabbing' before suddenly signing off with 'That's it'. Every. Single. Time.

Majority of the episode is taken up by Author wandering aimlessly around with a clipboard, sometimes glancing emotionally at the camera while slightly tilting his head, while his own voice over tells us that it's sad when people get murdered and how if he could find the killer, he wouldn't be as sad any more.

Episode wraps up either with absolutely no progress being made towards solving the crime, or us finding out that law enforcement has actually now found another suspect, with absolutely no assistance from anyone associated with this train wreck of an alleged television show.

The jury is in, and the verdict is that this show is guilty of being an absolute waste of time for everyone involved.
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