Maid Marian and Her Merry Men (1989–1994)

Tony Robinson: The Sheriff

Quotes 

• The Sheriff : For goodness sake, Guy, we are trying to raise money for the Royal Arsenal.

  Guy of Gisborne : Well I'm not helping! I hate football!

• Marian : [Robin's in prison, and he thinks Marian is a traitor. Marian has got the key to open the cell door and she is outside trying to save him]  Robin, Robin where are you?

  Robin : That's *my* business, I think.

  Marian : It's me, Marian.

  Robin : What do you want? Got bored canoodling with our deadly enemies, have you? Snogged so many Normans you've run out of lipsil?

  Marian : What are you talking about? I've got the key! I've come to set you free!

  Robin : I'd rather stay in here, thank you, Miss Traitor.

  Marian : Don't be silly.

  [she proceeds to open the door] 

  Robin : Don't touch that door! Guards! Guards! Help! There's a woman trying to set me free!

  Marian : Robin, do you really want to have your head chopped off?

  Robin : Yes, if it means I don't have to look at your double-crossing face again, yes, I certainly do.

  [she proceeds to open the door again] 

  Robin : Guards, guards, quick! She's got the key in the door!

  Marian : [she enters the cell]  Robin, do you really want to be sliced into more pieces than a package of garlic sausage?

  The Sheriff : [sneaking up from behind]  Apparently, he does, my little vixen.

• The Sheriff : You're as mindlessly sentimental as an Australian soap opera.

• Gary : [as he's picking up things that can't be seen]  Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

  The Sheriff : Gary, what are you doing?

  Gary : Oh, I'm saying goodbye to the germs, sir. They're going out of the bin, and into the rubbish tip where they can make new friends in a totally different environment.

  The Sheriff : So it's more of a club 18-30s than a rubbish tip, is it, Gary?

  Gary : Yes, sir.

  The Sheriff : Wrong!

  [sprays a can of disinfectant] 

  The Sheriff : It's a funeral parlour! Gary, sometimes you're as stupidly sentimental as an Australian Soap Opera. Now get this place tidied up before we all die of the bubonic plague. And Graeme?

  Graeme : Yes, sir?

  The Sheriff : Get this old tin of paint out of here by 12 o'clock. Otherwise I'll chop you into a rather easy two-piece jigsaw.