Life Is Sweet (1990)

Alison Steadman: Wendy

Quotes 

• Wendy : Get in that toilet and do a wee. Blimey, look. This is the seat. I don't want me carpet all soaking wet. And close the door! You've got two daughters! What's a matter with ya?

  Andy : That's what's a matter with me. I've got two daughters

• Wendy : [to Nicola]  We don't hate you! We bloody love you, you stupid girl!

• Andy : Tell you, you want to watch out for Aubrey in that kitchen. He'll come up behind you with a cucumber.

  Wendy : [laughs]  Listen, I don't think it'll be a cucumber he'll be coming up behind me with.

• Nicola : I'm not prepared to be exploited!

  Wendy : Exploited? You're not prepared to work. Full stop.

• Wendy : If you smoked less and you ate more you wouldn't be sitting there looking like a skeleton.

  Nicola : It's better than looking like a beached whale.

  Wendy : Oh, thank you. Anyway your Dad likes something to grab hold of over the night.

  Nicola : What? Blubber?

  Wendy : No. Me little love handles. We got a set each ain't we, Andy?

  Nicola : Oh, you're disgusting!

• Wendy : You can't rush him.

  Natalie : Yeah, he's happy going at that speed, isn't he?

  Wendy : Yeah, dead slow and stop.

• Wendy : I tell you what though, I wouldn't trust him.

  Natalie : I wouldn't trust anyone wearing a suit like that.

  Wendy : They cost about 300 quid them suits y'know.

  Natalie : What does he do anyway?

  Wendy : He don't do anything. He's unemployed.

• Wendy : Oh, Andy, you're just a big softy, you are.

• Wendy : Stretch right up like you're stretching for sweets on the top shelf.

• Wendy : Cut me a nice big juicy slice. You know that I like mine nice and juicy.

• Wendy : Why didn't you tell me Aubrey was here? You knew I was sitting out the back.

  Nicola : No, I never.

  Wendy : Yes, you did.

  Nicola : Are you calling me a liar?

  Wendy : Yes I am calling you a liar.

  Nicola : I thought you had gone for a walk.

  Wendy : Don't be so stupid. I've never been for a walk in me life. Have I?

• Wendy : Where're you taking him Patsy?

  Patsy : Don't worry Wendy. A little magical mystery tour.

• Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : It's alright by me if they don't want to eat. They can bask in the atmosphere.

  Wendy : Oh, blimey, you're not going to make much profit that way Aubrey.

• Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : [singing]  No, No regrets, No, No regret rien

  Wendy : [talking]  Oh, yeah, that's what I remember, yeah.

  Nicola : She sang it in French!

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : Yeah, she was from France.

  Nicola : She was thin.

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : She was thin, she was French.

  Wendy : She's dead though, isn't she?

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : Yeah, she was a prostitute.

  Nicola : So!

  Natalie : Shut up.

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : The sparrow.

  Wendy : Yeah, the little sparrow, that's right, yeah.

• Natalie : Come on, get in.

  Wendy : What? Can't get it in the hole?

  [laughs] 

• Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : To be totally honest, Andy, I think Wendy will be a natural, y'know. She's got such grace and charm.

  Wendy : Thank you, Aubrey.

  Andy : Excuse me are we talking about the same girl?

  Wendy : [laughs]  Don't be rotten.

• Andy : Where's she going?

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : Flipping Prague!

  Wendy : Awww, that's not right.

  Andy : No, that's not on, mate.

  Wendy : No, sorry.

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : It's great, isn't it? You give someone a break, a chance to better themselves, an opportunity to enter into a brave new venture, and what do they do? Piss off to Poland!

  Wendy : Well, that's typical Aussie isn't it? Travelers.

  Andy : Students.

  Wendy : It's Czechoslovakia isn't it, Prague?

  Andy : Yeah, is it?

• Wendy : Now, listen, you're in trouble, right? And I'm helping you out. 'Cause that's what friends are for. That's right, isn't it Andy?

  Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : It's it's amazing!

  Andy : But you haven't even done bar work Wendy, let's be honest.

  Wendy : No, but I'm confident. I can have a go.

  Andy : Let's face it, have you ever been a waitress?

  Wendy : No.

  Andy : No.

  Wendy : But, I've been waiting on you all these years haven't I? So?

• Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner : I achieved this effect by, eh, gently, easing, teasing and squeezing.

  Wendy : Oh don't be so dirty!

  [laughs] 

• Andy : This has inspired me. I want to get back get down to work, get stuck in.

  Wendy : Pigs might fly.

• [repeated line] 

  Wendy : Oh, blimey!

• Natalie : Staying in?

  Andy : Yeah.

  Wendy : Yeah, he's got to save up now. Pay for this heap of what's it.

  Natalie : So long as he's happy.

• Wendy : Got a little Chinesey one in there.

• Natalie : She kept calling me a good lad.

  Wendy : Oh, she never?

  Natalie : Yeah.

  Wendy : Well you should of said to her, " Listen, I'm a Miss."

  [laughs] 

  Natalie : Nah, no point

• Wendy : Blinking heck.

• Wendy : That is enough. No more. Right? 'Cause you're being a naughty boy.

• Wendy : Listen, we got to turn over a new leaf yeah? Both of us. All of us. Come on, have a little cup of tea.

• Wendy : If you put your money where your mouth is you should be joining one of these socialist what's it groups or the nuclear disarmament whatever. But you don't! All you do is sit here in this room staring at the walls and tweeking and twitching.

• Wendy : Don't be so daft.

• Wendy : You know what he's like. He wants a bit of tea and sympathy.

• Wendy : How are you political?

  Nicola : I read the paper. I watch the news. I'm more political than you.

  Wendy : Oh blimey, Nicola, we can all watch the telly. You should be out there helping the old aged pensioners or going on marches or whatever.