Sobriety hasn't lessened John's problems, so he becomes increasingly frustrated and contemplates having a drink, but instead, he gets a "God shot" and meets Chester. Also, Carly leaves a talking bird in John's care.
After making an AA agreement to abstain from sex for six months, John finds a beautiful woman throwing herself at him. Meanwhile, Dexter complains about the new muzak, and Gene freaks out when a white spot suddenly appears on his penis.
When John's grifter mother appears, he concludes that she's the root of his life's problems, but he's blindsided when she makes a shocking revelation. Meanwhile, the paparazzi catches Carly with a senator.
One of John's former associates cons Mahalia out of her savings. Meanwhile, everyone teams up to help a pathetic young virgin who's facing stiff sentencing for crossing state lines with a police chief's underage daughter.
John learns that a gang member has been extorting money from everyone in the station with promises of protecting them. Also, Mahalia and Gene protest John's raise by slacking off, and Chester falls off the wagon.
A fellow alcoholic shows up to make amends for seducing John, but John has no recollection of the incident and begins questioning his heterosexuality. Mahalia accidentally kills a raccoon when she takes her kids to the petting zoo.
A lawyer forces John to rent a bus to Nazis, a health inspector tries to extort money from Dexter, and one of John's old drinking buddies writes a book about him.
John solicits advice from Mahalia and a ride from Dexter when he attempts to reconnect with his son. Meanwhile, both Gene and his senile mother put on brave faces when he moves her to a different nursing home.
John's vow of celibacy has expired, but his sex life is stuck in neutral when his new girlfriend joins AA. Also, Dexter claims to know an acclaimed author, and the clock on the bus terminal mysteriously moves for the first time since 1947.
John's nephew, a marine, comes by on the way to Quantico. He idolizes John as 'the man who taught me to drink', and John has to deal with that. Also, Dex wants to get a cappuccino machine.