This movie hurts....it hurts to watch, it hurts to analyze, it hurts thinking about this movie. Think of a cross between a Timecop, Kickboxer, Land of the Lost and there's your movie. Earth is heaven, guy runs away from dinosaur sock puppets, nun hits him with car, captors dressed up in cheap space suits, and plenty of bad acting. Lots of kicks and punches are thrown and Jean Clod Van Dumb loses his shirt more times than a dry cleaner (final scene at the end is hilarious). Very bad sets, a inordinate amount of cardboard boxes, and no plot to be found whatsoever will leave you wondering why this piece of trash was made. The characters are so lame you have no motivation to cheer for anyone, good or bad. Lots of kicks, YAs and super-imposed images to make any viewer checking themselves at the local sanitarium. Also, don't miss the exciting advenutures of Fred Burrows!
118 Reviews
Schlock
counterrevolutionary11 January 2003
The thing about watching direct-to-video movies is, just when you think you've seen the worst, you see something even worse.
But it's going to be hard to top *Future War*.
It plays like someone had access to a couple of cyborg costumes, a couple of dinosaur hand puppets, and a guy who looked vaguely like Jean-Claude Van Damme, and decided to make a movie around them.
If he had only had decent actors, literate scriptwriters, and a competent director, he might have really had something.
It's a shame, too, that I couldn't like this movie at least a little; it attempts (though badly, of course) the sort of sympathetic portrayal of Christianity that I wish more *real* movies had.
But it's going to be hard to top *Future War*.
It plays like someone had access to a couple of cyborg costumes, a couple of dinosaur hand puppets, and a guy who looked vaguely like Jean-Claude Van Damme, and decided to make a movie around them.
If he had only had decent actors, literate scriptwriters, and a competent director, he might have really had something.
It's a shame, too, that I couldn't like this movie at least a little; it attempts (though badly, of course) the sort of sympathetic portrayal of Christianity that I wish more *real* movies had.
It is not set in the future, and there is no war.
Aaron137525 September 2001
This film was featured on the cult television show, Mystery Science Theater 3000. It is also very bad and I have to say that it is almost too bad. A film that seems to try and combine the Terminator series with Jurassic Park it fails doing either in any good way. Once again, it just seems too bad. More like one of those awful Terminator ripoffs combined with the Carnosaur dinosaur puppets...yes, they are the same dinosaurs used in that cheesy film, but that film was still better than this one! There is just too much bad going on in this one! Wounds that appear, disappear and reappear! Cyborgs that start out having white faces, but that is seemingly ditched mid-scene! A credit in the opening sequence that notes a special appearance by someone most people who have watched thousands of films most likely never heard of! It just screams suck at every turn! I would normally try to find some merits, but I cannot as this film seems to have been made purposely bad! The film Werewolf was bad, but it seemed like they were at least trying in that one and even had a recognizable star or two. Here we have Robert Z'Dar who has his moments, but here you barely recognize him except for his large face!
The story has a spaceship flying through space and a smaller ship flies to earth. On it is a man who must flee a dinosaur and then fights a cyborg and then gets hit by a cussing nun! Soon she becomes entangled in his problems as dinosaurs start eating the local citizens and cyborgs are chasing after the guy she hit! She turns to her gang of plaid wearing gang members and they take one final stand against the dinosaurs in the driest sewers ever, complete with wooded ceilings and ladders! Will she become a nun? Will our hero become a counselor? And will the film ever explain why it is easier to kill dinosaurs and cyborgs with knives, poles and nets than it is guns?
This movie made for a really good episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Too good. I almost think after watching it multiple times that it was purposely made bad in the hopes of being riffed by the show. There is just too much to joke about going on, even Manos did not have as many slow pitched softballs as this film for the gang on the satellite of love to hit out of the park. There are so many they could not even make fun of it all! The film was made in 1994 so MST3K was well known then and probably at its height. So I just can see makers purposely making a horrid film in the hopes it would be riffed because my guess is that the movies that are riffed get an up tick in sales. I don't know if I am correct, but the movie just seems to horrible and to easy to riff.
So there you go, I just think at no point did anyone think they were making anything but a very bad movie. Which is why I could not give this thing more than a one. The nun sub story was abysmal and she was not attractive, the gore was limited and what could be Jean Claude Van Damme's stunt double is annoying. The fight at the end was idiotic and there is just not a whole lot of good one could find here. I guess it was nice they found some more uses for those Carnosaur dinosaurs.
The story has a spaceship flying through space and a smaller ship flies to earth. On it is a man who must flee a dinosaur and then fights a cyborg and then gets hit by a cussing nun! Soon she becomes entangled in his problems as dinosaurs start eating the local citizens and cyborgs are chasing after the guy she hit! She turns to her gang of plaid wearing gang members and they take one final stand against the dinosaurs in the driest sewers ever, complete with wooded ceilings and ladders! Will she become a nun? Will our hero become a counselor? And will the film ever explain why it is easier to kill dinosaurs and cyborgs with knives, poles and nets than it is guns?
This movie made for a really good episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Too good. I almost think after watching it multiple times that it was purposely made bad in the hopes of being riffed by the show. There is just too much to joke about going on, even Manos did not have as many slow pitched softballs as this film for the gang on the satellite of love to hit out of the park. There are so many they could not even make fun of it all! The film was made in 1994 so MST3K was well known then and probably at its height. So I just can see makers purposely making a horrid film in the hopes it would be riffed because my guess is that the movies that are riffed get an up tick in sales. I don't know if I am correct, but the movie just seems to horrible and to easy to riff.
So there you go, I just think at no point did anyone think they were making anything but a very bad movie. Which is why I could not give this thing more than a one. The nun sub story was abysmal and she was not attractive, the gore was limited and what could be Jean Claude Van Damme's stunt double is annoying. The fight at the end was idiotic and there is just not a whole lot of good one could find here. I guess it was nice they found some more uses for those Carnosaur dinosaurs.
You get the 8MM camera, I'll get my little brother's monster toys, we'll make a movie!!!!!
willywants8 January 2004
A race of evil cyborgs kidnap humans from Earth's future to use as slaves, and take dinosaurs from the past to use as trackers. One of their slaves, the Runaway, escapes and makes his way to present-day Los Angeles. There he must fend off the cyborgs and their trackers, the police, and the government, befriended by a prostitute-turned-nun who runs a halfway house. Why would ANYONE in a modern time like 1997 make a stinker like THIS!?!?!?!?!? With actors that are as wooden as a cigar store indian, a script that was written by the director's 4-year-old son, a camera that was stolen from a burning pawn shop, poverty-row monster effects that were achieved by holding plush dino toys in front of the screen, and to top it off, a (once successful effects-man) director that thought making this crap would make them famous. ONLY watch the MST3K version!
Worst.... movie.... ever....
OldManBrodie14 May 2003
this movie deserves to be higher than #5 on the 100 worst movies ever. although words are inadequate to describe how bad this movie is, "wretched," "pitiful," "embarassingly horrible," and "p*** poor" all come to mind.
i can't imagine that the writer and director were serious when they made this. either they must have been joking, or they made this from inside their room in the asylum. actually, that would explain the lack of decent acting and props, too....
anyway, i watched this on MST3K, and even that couldn't get me to finish watching this movie. i got almost to the end, but i feared that if i watched the whole thing, my brain would explode, i would have to gouge out my eyes, or the universe would end... maybe all three.
if you are thinking about watching this movie without the MST3K guys, you should go see a doctor. the kind who sits you on a couch. if you really want to subject yourself to this with the MST3K guys, i'd suggest purchasing some beverages to go along with it. it's the only way you'll get through it.
i can't imagine that the writer and director were serious when they made this. either they must have been joking, or they made this from inside their room in the asylum. actually, that would explain the lack of decent acting and props, too....
anyway, i watched this on MST3K, and even that couldn't get me to finish watching this movie. i got almost to the end, but i feared that if i watched the whole thing, my brain would explode, i would have to gouge out my eyes, or the universe would end... maybe all three.
if you are thinking about watching this movie without the MST3K guys, you should go see a doctor. the kind who sits you on a couch. if you really want to subject yourself to this with the MST3K guys, i'd suggest purchasing some beverages to go along with it. it's the only way you'll get through it.
Future? War?
Matrixgirl04K106 March 2002
Please e-mail me if you find them, would you? Cuz I sure as heck can't.
Okay, um, plot line, plot line...I'm casting about here and I'm not finding that either. Remind me to count that in the list.
Let's move on to special effects, shall we? Okay, I think I might be able to tell about those. Forced perspective puppets. Dang it. That's not special effects. That goes on the list too. Moving on.
Actors. Surely that can be found! Surely those are on the list! And I'm searching for a good one and...checking...duuhhh...shoot.
Script? Nope. Good sound? Nadda. Good choreography? Definitely not.
Okay. Here's the list of things I need to find in this movie: script, future, war, plot line, special effects, actors, good sound, and good choreography. Wait a sec. You need those things for a good movie! Meaning THIS WAS NOT A GOOD MOVIE. But, I think you probably figured that out by now, so I'll stop rambling and tell you just watch the MST3K version. It's a riot, especially when his shirt just kinda falls off. It does. It was tucked in and buttoned, but it just falls right off.
Urgh, this was a bad show. Insult to Jurassic Park (whose sound effects were stolen in this film) and The Terminator.
Okay, um, plot line, plot line...I'm casting about here and I'm not finding that either. Remind me to count that in the list.
Let's move on to special effects, shall we? Okay, I think I might be able to tell about those. Forced perspective puppets. Dang it. That's not special effects. That goes on the list too. Moving on.
Actors. Surely that can be found! Surely those are on the list! And I'm searching for a good one and...checking...duuhhh...shoot.
Script? Nope. Good sound? Nadda. Good choreography? Definitely not.
Okay. Here's the list of things I need to find in this movie: script, future, war, plot line, special effects, actors, good sound, and good choreography. Wait a sec. You need those things for a good movie! Meaning THIS WAS NOT A GOOD MOVIE. But, I think you probably figured that out by now, so I'll stop rambling and tell you just watch the MST3K version. It's a riot, especially when his shirt just kinda falls off. It does. It was tucked in and buttoned, but it just falls right off.
Urgh, this was a bad show. Insult to Jurassic Park (whose sound effects were stolen in this film) and The Terminator.
Because nothing says action like dinosaur puppets and guys throwing cardboard boxes around
gladrius8 August 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Possible spoilers ahead. You've been warned. As has been said, this isn't in the future and and a total of like ten guys doesn't equal a war. Instead some slave escapes from a ship of time traveling cyborgs and evil cyborgs and dinosaurs are sent to get him back. Numerous questions arise. Is this one escaped slave really worth all the trouble? If he's a slave, how does he know martial arts? What kind of wimpy t-rex gets killed by one punch? And what the heck does the title mean? I already talked about one way it's inaccurate, but it's not like they're fighting a war for the future to get rid of the time-traveling cyborgs either. They fight just to stay alive in the present. And the action IS. SO. STUPID. They spent a whole five minutes of two dimwits running around in a maze of cardboard boxes like that's what excitement really means. This movie is exactly where it belongs. It's confusing, dumb, and boring, and if the action that's still in the final version is any indication, having more wouldn't make this any better.
1/10
1/10
The movie that dares not live up to its title **spoilers**
Hancock_the_Superb28 July 2002
Warning: Spoilers
As everyone already knows, Future War contains neither a future, nor a war. It instead contains a Jean-Claude Van Damme look-a-like, a slut who's a nun, her two fat friends (one a stereotypical black bald guy, the other an even larger white guy), a dumb kid some evil cyborgs, a cardboard camera, Forrest J. Ackerman in cameo, and some dinosaur puppets that aren't the least bit convincing.
***SPOILERS***
The plot starts out with a scene that will be featured later in the movie. Jean Claude Van Damme-like David Bernhardt (is that how you spell it?) is the Runaway, a Terminator-like guy who flees from the depths of space, believing Heaven to be on Earth (maybe when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, yeah). He's pursued by two pudgy cyborgs with dino puppets that are used a bloodhounds. Once killed, the puppets I mean, dinosaurs explode.
Much the film takes place in a factory were empty boxes are abundant. Jean-Clod Gosh Darn, of course, is hit by the nun's car after a harrowing fight in the box factory with a cyborg, and soon the nun takes him in. There's a lot of pointless bloodshed as the puppets and the remaining cyborg (Robert D'Zar, who MSTies will remember as Joe Estevez's grumpy boss in Soultaker) continue to pursue Gosh Darn, who learns how to speak in a Stephen Hawking tone (really, listen to it!), take off his shirt, and play with a radio. There's also an old bum whose beer is stolen by the hero, a cardboard camera, an old guy in a Hawaiian shirt, and many more boxes. Oh, and there's a badly choreographed, badly filmed attack on the police station by D'Zar in which guys are killed for no reason (one guy looks like Charles Manson why didn't Mike and the Bots notice this? Then again, maybe they've done too many Manson jokes for a show . . . ) (oh, and let's not forget the Uzi that makes a clicking sound rather than firing live ammo). There's also a `battle' between Sister Sl*t's gang (the Plaid Farmers Klan) and the dinosaurs, being raised in a sewer-cum-barn, and a fight in the `church', in which Van Dumb takes off his shirt and beats D'Zar to death (or something like that).
Mike and the Bots had a lot of fun this one, from the numerous box puns (`He's BOXED in!'/ `Yeah, well I'm card-BORED!'), to more fat jokes a la Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (`May your road be paved with sausages!'), to numerous self-references (including "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank", "Werewolf", and "Giant Spider Invasion"). A very funny episode, not one of the best, but still a hell of a lot of fun.
One star for Future War; nine for the MST3K version.
And remember:
`SAVE THE MEATLOAF!!!!!!!!!!!!'
***SPOILERS***
The plot starts out with a scene that will be featured later in the movie. Jean Claude Van Damme-like David Bernhardt (is that how you spell it?) is the Runaway, a Terminator-like guy who flees from the depths of space, believing Heaven to be on Earth (maybe when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, yeah). He's pursued by two pudgy cyborgs with dino puppets that are used a bloodhounds. Once killed, the puppets I mean, dinosaurs explode.
Much the film takes place in a factory were empty boxes are abundant. Jean-Clod Gosh Darn, of course, is hit by the nun's car after a harrowing fight in the box factory with a cyborg, and soon the nun takes him in. There's a lot of pointless bloodshed as the puppets and the remaining cyborg (Robert D'Zar, who MSTies will remember as Joe Estevez's grumpy boss in Soultaker) continue to pursue Gosh Darn, who learns how to speak in a Stephen Hawking tone (really, listen to it!), take off his shirt, and play with a radio. There's also an old bum whose beer is stolen by the hero, a cardboard camera, an old guy in a Hawaiian shirt, and many more boxes. Oh, and there's a badly choreographed, badly filmed attack on the police station by D'Zar in which guys are killed for no reason (one guy looks like Charles Manson why didn't Mike and the Bots notice this? Then again, maybe they've done too many Manson jokes for a show . . . ) (oh, and let's not forget the Uzi that makes a clicking sound rather than firing live ammo). There's also a `battle' between Sister Sl*t's gang (the Plaid Farmers Klan) and the dinosaurs, being raised in a sewer-cum-barn, and a fight in the `church', in which Van Dumb takes off his shirt and beats D'Zar to death (or something like that).
Mike and the Bots had a lot of fun this one, from the numerous box puns (`He's BOXED in!'/ `Yeah, well I'm card-BORED!'), to more fat jokes a la Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (`May your road be paved with sausages!'), to numerous self-references (including "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank", "Werewolf", and "Giant Spider Invasion"). A very funny episode, not one of the best, but still a hell of a lot of fun.
One star for Future War; nine for the MST3K version.
And remember:
`SAVE THE MEATLOAF!!!!!!!!!!!!'
Zero is not an option, people!
Sterno-210 August 2000
As of the writing of this review, Future War is the worst movie of all time as voted by us, the IMDB public. I'm not going to call it Future War, since the name doesn't reflect what happens in the movie. I'm going to call it Boring Flick instead.
Boring Flick tells the tale of a man who escapes from his evil overlords and lands where he thinks is heaven, but is actually present day earth. (While Belinda Carlisle sang "Heaven is a place on earth", I trust someone like R.C. Sproul or A.W. Tozer for my theology more than I would a former member of the Go-Gos.) This man is being chased by Borg rejects led by Robert Z'Dar (Soultaker). These quasi-Borgs have miniature T-Rexs that are used as bloodhounds (does the ASPCA know about this?).
The nice plot twist is the hooker/drug dealer/nun trainee who allows her theological world to be confused by the Bible verse quoting alien. (Tom Sawyer did better, and he didn't know what he was talking about.) In the end, cardboard boxes are smashed, railroad cars are ridden, shots are fired, and not enough people in the movie suffered for their crime against the movie watching public.
Sterno says stay in the past and avoid this future.
Boring Flick tells the tale of a man who escapes from his evil overlords and lands where he thinks is heaven, but is actually present day earth. (While Belinda Carlisle sang "Heaven is a place on earth", I trust someone like R.C. Sproul or A.W. Tozer for my theology more than I would a former member of the Go-Gos.) This man is being chased by Borg rejects led by Robert Z'Dar (Soultaker). These quasi-Borgs have miniature T-Rexs that are used as bloodhounds (does the ASPCA know about this?).
The nice plot twist is the hooker/drug dealer/nun trainee who allows her theological world to be confused by the Bible verse quoting alien. (Tom Sawyer did better, and he didn't know what he was talking about.) In the end, cardboard boxes are smashed, railroad cars are ridden, shots are fired, and not enough people in the movie suffered for their crime against the movie watching public.
Sterno says stay in the past and avoid this future.
A sad, pathetic little movie.
zmaturin2 June 2000
I could write a mean review of this bad, bad movie. I could talk about the idiotic story line, the atrocious acting, the stinky effects, the overabundance of cardboard boxes, the poor continuity, the cheap sets, the bad puppets, the bad camera work, the totally unconvincing street hoods, the poorly blocked fight scenes, the slow pace, the bad lighting, and the total waste of Forrest J. Ackerman. I could, but I won't.
I won't because this movie just made me sad. It was so incompetently made that I can't help but feel anything but pity for the folks behind this movie. Take the woman playing Sister Anne, for instance. She's well meaning enough, but at no time is she even close to being a former prostitute/drug addict. This woman can barely modulate between emotions. But damn it, she's really trying! She's trying so hard! She meant well, she's just not very good. I can't hate her.
So I guess the nicest thing you can say about "Future War" is that they tried really hard. Really, really hard. They failed miserably and made a movie so bad that your eyes grow a will of their own and refuse to look at the screen, rolling up into the back of your head in an extremely painful manor, but I will not say anything bad about them.
I won't because this movie just made me sad. It was so incompetently made that I can't help but feel anything but pity for the folks behind this movie. Take the woman playing Sister Anne, for instance. She's well meaning enough, but at no time is she even close to being a former prostitute/drug addict. This woman can barely modulate between emotions. But damn it, she's really trying! She's trying so hard! She meant well, she's just not very good. I can't hate her.
So I guess the nicest thing you can say about "Future War" is that they tried really hard. Really, really hard. They failed miserably and made a movie so bad that your eyes grow a will of their own and refuse to look at the screen, rolling up into the back of your head in an extremely painful manor, but I will not say anything bad about them.
Deserves its place on "Mystery Science Theater" losers
bhjunkmail8 February 2003
This lacks even the campy humor of "Plan 9 From Outer Space". The acting is wooden, & the villain is as sympathetic a character as the hero. The best way to watch this movie is in MST; the comments are far more entertaining than the movie.
I gave it a "2" rating because I was able to finish, but a "2" is probably generous!
I gave it a "2" rating because I was able to finish, but a "2" is probably generous!
1995 or 1965? You decide!
Pádraic30 April 1999
I would never have believed that a movie made in 1995 could have had special effects quite as poor as this one. The "dinosaurs" were ancient animatronic devices, not to scale and brutally un-lifelike. The explosions were pathetic puffs of ignited gunpowder. The "spaceship" was so transparently a model that it made it painful to watch. Robert Z'Dar was, quite possibly, the best actor in this movie: his assignment was to "fight" the "hero", then die, and he pulled it off with a level of mediocrity that the other actors in this movie could only dream about. The final battle scene (in a "church") shows the lack of concern for correctness: our "hero," a horrible overactor, is cut, then not, then cut, then not, then cut. It boggles the mind. Aside from him, various other pieces of wood (ranging from obese to anorexic) dot this film landscape. The "halfway house" is filled with Very Large men and a Very Thin woman. Oh, and an obnoxious kid, who thankfully isn't terribly important.
All in all, one of the most embarrassing movies I've ever seen. But it made for one of my favorite MST3K episodes ever, so good does sometimes arise from mediocrity.
All in all, one of the most embarrassing movies I've ever seen. But it made for one of my favorite MST3K episodes ever, so good does sometimes arise from mediocrity.
REALLY! It's not that bad!
Artdoag222 December 2003
Well, what can I say. I'm an IMDb junkie, so one day when I was checking out the Bottom 100 list for some laughs, I came across Future War. After reading the line of a user comment, 'forced perspective dinosaurs', I embarked on a 20-minute laughing attack and had to find out more. So I went out and bought it somewhere for like 3 bucks, and pumped it into the DVD player, and prepared myself for the worst. I don't know where to begin. I really don't.
The opening credits-roll is truly scary. Five minutes worth of poorly-timed cuts between the cast of characters and tech team interspersed with recycled (and bad, might I add) space cruiser footage. I fast-forwarded through them after a minute - and this was during the first time seeing the film!
Scenes that go nowhere - like when the Runaway (Bernhardt) walks into a room and says, "They stay near water", referring to the dino-trackers, and the scene cuts frighteningly too soon. At times, the video quality is shattered by dark shadows that appear on top of the screen. Any sense of continuity is destroyed by poor editing and pacing.
The lead cyborg, Z'Dar, or somebody, is featured in the credits as 'Also starring", like his presence was tantamount to an A-list talent graciously appearing in an indie film. He's flat out the most corny cyborg I've ever seen. Future War tries to approach greatness with allegedly pulse-pounding fight sequences, but that, too, is ruined as the Runaway pummels a plastic T-Rex who's the size of a Snoopy doll. I give him credit, though, he really looks as if he's trying.
The "radioman" at the police station has no line-delivery ability. The SWAT guys look really nervous and ill-at-ease in front of the camera. A lack of the director's imagination killed off the black dude, who I was actually starting to like. He seems to have been killed in the first dino attack on the house early on, and is not referred to again until he materializes later on. He shows concern, fear, and genuine emotion when appropriate. Then he gets gobbled up by the damn tracker at the end!
Even someone who never saw Future War could critique on it. He/She would only have to say "This movie lacks vision, budget, coherency, and purpose." And they'd hit it right on the money! I did some investigating, and I discovered that most of the actors and actresses of this film-poop either did a few movies before or appeared in Future War for their first role. But that's not very revealing. What IS revealing is the fact that OVER HALF of them NEVER went on to do another movie! Check it out yourself! POOF! Their careers detonated by Future War!
However, I'd like to say some things in defense of Future War. I don't believe anyone involved was convinced that this movie would be anything but direct-to-video or the bargain rack. It wasn't meant to compete with other sci-fi films coming out. The actors and actresses DO appear to be having a good time, especially during the fight scenes with the dinosaurs. I thought it was kinda cute when Sister Ann (Travis B. Stewart) throws her jacket over the tracker-saurus' eyes, and the camera cuts to the dino, blinded, confused, and with a jacket draped over its head. Then POW! The Runaway slashes him to death as five cops, paralyzed with fear, watch on in awe.
FW featured a first-time director and an equally inexperienced cast, and I guess with a minimal budget, there wasn't much room for creativity. But I can imagine the cast and crew cracking up between scenes, going "HA ha ha! This film sucks! I'm moving to the East Coast after this! HA!" and generally having a good time. Consider that the IMDb Bottom 100 consists of quite a few major-budget movies with accomplished names attached, like Batman and Robin, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Gigli, Iron Eagle II, and The Cat In The Hat. Big-budget, big disappointment. FW did make an attempt to raise issues of loyalty, friendship, and morality. The end result wasn't spectacular, and with scrappy dialogue special (?? use the term lightly) effects, and continuity. My point is, big productions like the ones I mentioned deserve critical pounding because the studios have so much at their disposal and still can't pull off good reviews. Future War must have been fun to make and I'm sure everyone involved had a blast with their silly little movie.
A 7 out of 10 for a valiant, hopeless effort.
The opening credits-roll is truly scary. Five minutes worth of poorly-timed cuts between the cast of characters and tech team interspersed with recycled (and bad, might I add) space cruiser footage. I fast-forwarded through them after a minute - and this was during the first time seeing the film!
Scenes that go nowhere - like when the Runaway (Bernhardt) walks into a room and says, "They stay near water", referring to the dino-trackers, and the scene cuts frighteningly too soon. At times, the video quality is shattered by dark shadows that appear on top of the screen. Any sense of continuity is destroyed by poor editing and pacing.
The lead cyborg, Z'Dar, or somebody, is featured in the credits as 'Also starring", like his presence was tantamount to an A-list talent graciously appearing in an indie film. He's flat out the most corny cyborg I've ever seen. Future War tries to approach greatness with allegedly pulse-pounding fight sequences, but that, too, is ruined as the Runaway pummels a plastic T-Rex who's the size of a Snoopy doll. I give him credit, though, he really looks as if he's trying.
The "radioman" at the police station has no line-delivery ability. The SWAT guys look really nervous and ill-at-ease in front of the camera. A lack of the director's imagination killed off the black dude, who I was actually starting to like. He seems to have been killed in the first dino attack on the house early on, and is not referred to again until he materializes later on. He shows concern, fear, and genuine emotion when appropriate. Then he gets gobbled up by the damn tracker at the end!
Even someone who never saw Future War could critique on it. He/She would only have to say "This movie lacks vision, budget, coherency, and purpose." And they'd hit it right on the money! I did some investigating, and I discovered that most of the actors and actresses of this film-poop either did a few movies before or appeared in Future War for their first role. But that's not very revealing. What IS revealing is the fact that OVER HALF of them NEVER went on to do another movie! Check it out yourself! POOF! Their careers detonated by Future War!
However, I'd like to say some things in defense of Future War. I don't believe anyone involved was convinced that this movie would be anything but direct-to-video or the bargain rack. It wasn't meant to compete with other sci-fi films coming out. The actors and actresses DO appear to be having a good time, especially during the fight scenes with the dinosaurs. I thought it was kinda cute when Sister Ann (Travis B. Stewart) throws her jacket over the tracker-saurus' eyes, and the camera cuts to the dino, blinded, confused, and with a jacket draped over its head. Then POW! The Runaway slashes him to death as five cops, paralyzed with fear, watch on in awe.
FW featured a first-time director and an equally inexperienced cast, and I guess with a minimal budget, there wasn't much room for creativity. But I can imagine the cast and crew cracking up between scenes, going "HA ha ha! This film sucks! I'm moving to the East Coast after this! HA!" and generally having a good time. Consider that the IMDb Bottom 100 consists of quite a few major-budget movies with accomplished names attached, like Batman and Robin, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Gigli, Iron Eagle II, and The Cat In The Hat. Big-budget, big disappointment. FW did make an attempt to raise issues of loyalty, friendship, and morality. The end result wasn't spectacular, and with scrappy dialogue special (?? use the term lightly) effects, and continuity. My point is, big productions like the ones I mentioned deserve critical pounding because the studios have so much at their disposal and still can't pull off good reviews. Future War must have been fun to make and I'm sure everyone involved had a blast with their silly little movie.
A 7 out of 10 for a valiant, hopeless effort.
"I have a job too; I'm a tool."
bensonmum211 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I've just about reached my limit. I've watched more than my share of bad movies in the past few months. Sure, as is the case with Future War, I've watched many of these movies courtesy of and with the assistance of Mystery Science Theater 3000 - but I've watched them just the same. Future War may be the last for a while. It's so bad I'm ready to swear off bad movies all together.
The plot is a completely ridiculous mish-mash of incomprehensible ideas that never made a lick of sense to me. Something about a traveler from the future with cyborgs and their dinosaur "trackers" hot on his heels. The only person he's got to turn to for help is a former druggy/prostitute turned nun facing a crisis of faith. Like I said, none of it makes sense.
I've said this so many times that I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but Future War is bad in every way a movie can be bad. The acting is beyond pitiful. Neither of the movies' two leads, Daniel Bernhardt or Travis Brooke Stewart, seem capable of acting their way onto a community theater stage, let alone a sound-stage. Most surprising to me is that Bernhardt went on to have a fairly successful career, because in Future War, he comes across as nothing more than a Jean-Claude Van Damme wannabe without any of Van Damme's talent. (Did I just insinuate that Van Damme has talent?) Beyond the acting, the special effects are of particular note. The dinosaurs are about the most Gawd awful things I've seen in a movie. I could film something about as realistic with the plastic dinosaurs my son has in his room. Wait a minute - I think that might be what they used! Finally (and believe me, I could go on forever), the editing in Future War is atrocious. Some scenes are edited so poorly that it's all but impossible to follow the action.
Overall, Future War is about as bad as a movie can get. I can't really come up with an inspired description, so I'll end this by saying, "It sux!"
The plot is a completely ridiculous mish-mash of incomprehensible ideas that never made a lick of sense to me. Something about a traveler from the future with cyborgs and their dinosaur "trackers" hot on his heels. The only person he's got to turn to for help is a former druggy/prostitute turned nun facing a crisis of faith. Like I said, none of it makes sense.
I've said this so many times that I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but Future War is bad in every way a movie can be bad. The acting is beyond pitiful. Neither of the movies' two leads, Daniel Bernhardt or Travis Brooke Stewart, seem capable of acting their way onto a community theater stage, let alone a sound-stage. Most surprising to me is that Bernhardt went on to have a fairly successful career, because in Future War, he comes across as nothing more than a Jean-Claude Van Damme wannabe without any of Van Damme's talent. (Did I just insinuate that Van Damme has talent?) Beyond the acting, the special effects are of particular note. The dinosaurs are about the most Gawd awful things I've seen in a movie. I could film something about as realistic with the plastic dinosaurs my son has in his room. Wait a minute - I think that might be what they used! Finally (and believe me, I could go on forever), the editing in Future War is atrocious. Some scenes are edited so poorly that it's all but impossible to follow the action.
Overall, Future War is about as bad as a movie can get. I can't really come up with an inspired description, so I'll end this by saying, "It sux!"
It didn't show us the future, there was no war, but there were plenty of cardboard boxes.
dootuss1 October 2002
Yep, this movie really sucked. In fact it sucked so bad! The acting was horrible, the plot sucked, and the dinosaurs are hand puppets (as some have said). And the Jean Claude Van-Damme wannabe is lame as hell. Of course, I could be wrong on the dinosaurs, but the rest is true oh yes the rest of what I said about this horrible movie is true to the last drop.
Stay away from this crap unless you see Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, and Crow T. Robot sitting in a theatre, and riffing it.
Stay away from this crap unless you see Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, and Crow T. Robot sitting in a theatre, and riffing it.
I'm card-bored
fiddlemaster30008 August 2005
If there were a MasterCard commercial about Future War, it would go a little something like this...
-Toy dinosaurs: 5$
-Plaid shirts from the K-Mart bargain bin: 23$
-Many, many cardboard boxes: The producer's uncle manages a box factory, so they could use it free for a few hours.
-"Cyborg" costumes rented from Larry's Costurama: 49$
-Gallon of red paint used as blood: 10$.
-The money it cost to send the director to film school: Not applicable.
-Watching Mike Neslon, Crow and Tom Servo rip this movie apart: priceless.
There are movies in life that money can buy. For everything else, there's Mystery Sceince Theater 3000.
-Toy dinosaurs: 5$
-Plaid shirts from the K-Mart bargain bin: 23$
-Many, many cardboard boxes: The producer's uncle manages a box factory, so they could use it free for a few hours.
-"Cyborg" costumes rented from Larry's Costurama: 49$
-Gallon of red paint used as blood: 10$.
-The money it cost to send the director to film school: Not applicable.
-Watching Mike Neslon, Crow and Tom Servo rip this movie apart: priceless.
There are movies in life that money can buy. For everything else, there's Mystery Sceince Theater 3000.
Future........Wax!....(err War, I Mean War)
godofweather28 March 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Perhaps one of the best MST3K episodes ever made, which automatically means its a bad movie. Just how bad? Considering the fact that its the only movie I know that has a damage control unit (see movie trivia), that kind of speaks for itself. Daniel Burnhardt plays Runaway, something most viewers will want to do upon seeing the opening credits. He is apparently, some sort of alien slave that escapes his captors, steals a snow monkey and flies it to Earth,(what his people consider Heaven). His masters aren't too pleased about this, and soon come after him with small plastic dinosaurs and Alan Jackson. After some stuff happens with cardboard boxes, Runaway defeats Alan Jackson, and promptly gets hit by a prostitute who is trying to become a nun.
Well, the nun takes Runaway to a halfway house that looks like its being used by cast members of The Biggest Loser, and tries to figure out who he is.(I live in your air vent!) Then, some more plastic dinosaurs attack, and Runaway and Nun get on a train that goes nowhere. Eventually, the puffy hat police pick them up, and they are brought to a warehouse under attack. This of course is being covered live by CNN (Cardboard News Network) Well..after some more stuff, Runaway gets arrested and taken to jail, where he is prone to flashbacks. Federal agents arrive, and start to question Runaway about various plastic dinosaur related things. While this is happening, Maniac Cop(Robert Z' "Chin" Dar) shows up and starts blowing away cops. After some more stuff, Runaway escapes and teams up with Nun/Whore, who has used her extensive underworld connections to put together a somewhat fearsome Grunge Rock Band. Armed with a mike stand and a french resistance fighter, they make their way into the strangely boarded up lair of the plastic dinosaurs. Through an extremely elaborate plan, they are able to dispatch said dinosaurs, and make the world safe. Or do they? At the nun swearing in ceremony (or whatever it is they're doing) in a strip plaza type church, Runaway looks on as the Nun is about to take her vows. Suddenly, Z'Dar bursts through the window, and, in one of the most breathtaking and accurate fight scenes ever captured on any video medium, Runaway is able to defeat the Cyborg(Z' Dar) and finally realize his lifelong dream of becoming a counselor for.......you guessed it, runaways! All in all, its hard to believe this movie was made in the mid 90s and if you're not with the SOL crew during this film, you might want to consider getting professional help from a mental health expert. 1 out of 10 MST3K: 10 of 10
Well, the nun takes Runaway to a halfway house that looks like its being used by cast members of The Biggest Loser, and tries to figure out who he is.(I live in your air vent!) Then, some more plastic dinosaurs attack, and Runaway and Nun get on a train that goes nowhere. Eventually, the puffy hat police pick them up, and they are brought to a warehouse under attack. This of course is being covered live by CNN (Cardboard News Network) Well..after some more stuff, Runaway gets arrested and taken to jail, where he is prone to flashbacks. Federal agents arrive, and start to question Runaway about various plastic dinosaur related things. While this is happening, Maniac Cop(Robert Z' "Chin" Dar) shows up and starts blowing away cops. After some more stuff, Runaway escapes and teams up with Nun/Whore, who has used her extensive underworld connections to put together a somewhat fearsome Grunge Rock Band. Armed with a mike stand and a french resistance fighter, they make their way into the strangely boarded up lair of the plastic dinosaurs. Through an extremely elaborate plan, they are able to dispatch said dinosaurs, and make the world safe. Or do they? At the nun swearing in ceremony (or whatever it is they're doing) in a strip plaza type church, Runaway looks on as the Nun is about to take her vows. Suddenly, Z'Dar bursts through the window, and, in one of the most breathtaking and accurate fight scenes ever captured on any video medium, Runaway is able to defeat the Cyborg(Z' Dar) and finally realize his lifelong dream of becoming a counselor for.......you guessed it, runaways! All in all, its hard to believe this movie was made in the mid 90s and if you're not with the SOL crew during this film, you might want to consider getting professional help from a mental health expert. 1 out of 10 MST3K: 10 of 10
Hey this movie is bad
mynameisal5 April 2001
Worst Movie Ever
ddcline17 February 2003
This was the worse movie I have ever seen, the only reason I watched it was because it was shown on Mystery Science Theater and that is the only place it belongs, I would have given this a 0, if at all possible, bad acting, bad directing, bad production, bad plot.
Reflections from Sister Ann's former pimp.
jmlyle25 July 2003
Having lived with Sister Ann for a while, prior to her getting mixed up with this movie (before she moved to Hollywood with "Newscaster" and "camera operator: second unit"), I have to say that I have definitely never enjoyed an MST3K as much as this one. I don't know if I would be able to watch the movie without the distractions and comedy provided by the MST3K gang.
I remember actually speaking to Travis on the phone the day that they filmed the "Monsters in da' hood" line. She was not proud. In hindsight, it's probably one of the finest moments of the "film." Either that, or the box camera.
I remember actually speaking to Travis on the phone the day that they filmed the "Monsters in da' hood" line. She was not proud. In hindsight, it's probably one of the finest moments of the "film." Either that, or the box camera.
I can't believe it was made in the 1990's
millertime29 December 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This "movie" if one can call it that, must have had a budget rivaling that of a Coleman Francis classic such as "The Skydivers". And I'm not even taking into account inflation, Future War was devoid of any decent looking sets, props, wardrobe, or talent. I've seen the actual movie (thanks Netflix), as well as the MST3K version. While there has been some movies on MST3K that didn't completely deserve the reputation they've received, this one does.
In one scene early in the movie, our hero, the um, Van Damme look-alike is fighting some "cyborg", a guy with clown white all over his face, surrounded by hundreds of empty cardboard boxes, which is taking place outside. However, in one bizarre cut, it goes from a fight outside, with out hero and the cyborg, to a shot of the pair, inside, with the cyborg, now without any makeup. Confusing indeed. However, the MST3K had the perfect response, with Crow saying something to the effect of "Well, he's just so pretty, he doesn't need all that makeup." And nearly everyone seems to wear plaid, why? Another Francis throwback? Instead of gray people, in gray clothing, it's bland people in plaid. A poor excuse for a movie, but a great MST3K episode.
In one scene early in the movie, our hero, the um, Van Damme look-alike is fighting some "cyborg", a guy with clown white all over his face, surrounded by hundreds of empty cardboard boxes, which is taking place outside. However, in one bizarre cut, it goes from a fight outside, with out hero and the cyborg, to a shot of the pair, inside, with the cyborg, now without any makeup. Confusing indeed. However, the MST3K had the perfect response, with Crow saying something to the effect of "Well, he's just so pretty, he doesn't need all that makeup." And nearly everyone seems to wear plaid, why? Another Francis throwback? Instead of gray people, in gray clothing, it's bland people in plaid. A poor excuse for a movie, but a great MST3K episode.
As bad as they come!
Calgon22 December 1999
I'd like to join the chorus here expressing hatred for this movie. Watching it actually made me appreciate what other pieces of trash, like Werewolf or Space Mutiny didn't mess up. Say what you like about "Warwilf," but at least it managed to film hospital scenes in hospitals. Space Mutiny's sets were nothing to write home about, but at least they looked like some effort had been put into making them. Future War looks like the producer hired a team of third graders to dress up a room 15 minutes before they started shooting. Most of the film's production budget was probably spent on those empty cardboard boxes that adorn half the film. The dinosaurs were probably purchased from the toys bin at a garage sale.
What else? The acting was inept. The script was basically a half-brained takeoff on several far superior movies, such as Terminator and Brother from Another Planet. And the fight scenes were the most incompetently filmed sequences I've ever witnessed.
Of course, the film, in all its ineptitude, makes a good episode of MST3K. It is, in its own way, even more incompetent than other MST3K standouts like Werewolf, and for that it deserves to be remembered.
What else? The acting was inept. The script was basically a half-brained takeoff on several far superior movies, such as Terminator and Brother from Another Planet. And the fight scenes were the most incompetently filmed sequences I've ever witnessed.
Of course, the film, in all its ineptitude, makes a good episode of MST3K. It is, in its own way, even more incompetent than other MST3K standouts like Werewolf, and for that it deserves to be remembered.
Best Science Fiction Movie ever
adpowers7318 December 1999
This is truly the best science fiction movie of all time. Never before has a third rate, low budget, cheesy ripoff of all "half robot half man" movies been done so well. Despite its terrible rating from most of the 224 people who saw this movie and voted on it, I truly think that this movie should have swept the Academy Awards
Ugh!
BandSAboutMovies10 May 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Future War was the directorial debut of Anthony Doublin, who has created special effects and miniatures for movies like Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator, From Beyond, The Blob remake, Scanner Cop, Willy's Wonderland and more. He'd go on to make Manhater, Voodoo Dolly and Slaughtered, but his career nearly ended here, as after seeing the first rough cut, he walked away.
Even during the shooting of the movie, the crew joked that it would end up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Well, they were right.
The Runaway (Daniel Bernhardt, Bloodsport 2-4, Bone Breaker in Logan) is a human slave kidnapped from some past time, pushed into the future and now hunted by Robert Z'Dar, Mel Novak and dinosaurs. He thinks Earth is Heaven itself, so he has that going for him, plus he knows kickboxing.
So yeah, somehow he gets to our Earth and gets involved in a street gang and a nun who used to be Angel, pretty much. The fact that I know that the actress who plays Sister Ann, Travis Brooks Stewart, was also in Bikini Hotel proves that I have watched way too many USA Up All NIght movies (she was also the art director and set dresser of that movie).
In the original ending, Sister Ann abandoned her training as a nun to join Runaway and her former gang friends to battle cyborgs. One of the film's backers was upset by this ending, as he felt it was disrespectful to the Catholic Church. So they had to shoot an entirely new ending where Sister Ann takes her vows and Z'Dar battles the Runaway one more time and then our hero becomes a counselor for runaways, because, yeah. He's the Runaway.
Even during the shooting of the movie, the crew joked that it would end up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Well, they were right.
The Runaway (Daniel Bernhardt, Bloodsport 2-4, Bone Breaker in Logan) is a human slave kidnapped from some past time, pushed into the future and now hunted by Robert Z'Dar, Mel Novak and dinosaurs. He thinks Earth is Heaven itself, so he has that going for him, plus he knows kickboxing.
So yeah, somehow he gets to our Earth and gets involved in a street gang and a nun who used to be Angel, pretty much. The fact that I know that the actress who plays Sister Ann, Travis Brooks Stewart, was also in Bikini Hotel proves that I have watched way too many USA Up All NIght movies (she was also the art director and set dresser of that movie).
In the original ending, Sister Ann abandoned her training as a nun to join Runaway and her former gang friends to battle cyborgs. One of the film's backers was upset by this ending, as he felt it was disrespectful to the Catholic Church. So they had to shoot an entirely new ending where Sister Ann takes her vows and Z'Dar battles the Runaway one more time and then our hero becomes a counselor for runaways, because, yeah. He's the Runaway.
Funny Stuff
TheyKilledTheGiggler10 February 2003
This movie was horrible and is one of the worst movies ever however when this was made fun of in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 i was laughing so hard. The bots knew exactly what to say about this cheap piece of crap and they ripped this movie apart perfectly...The movie gets 0/10 while the MST3K Episode gets 10/10
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